Bygone Days
by Sabishi Tomo
Summary: Based on Ep. 44. In college now, Natsume encounters his old friend Ogata Yuriko and rekindles their friendship. But as usual Natsume finds his youkai interactions much easier than his human ones. At the same time, he struggles to free himself of the burden of his grandmother's inheritance. Chapter 10: Natsume tracks down his grandfather's family with Natori's help.
1. Chapter 1

Ogata Yuriko is the character introduced in Episode 44 (or Episode 5 of Natsume Yuujinchou Shi), as well as Manga Chapter 36.5, where she reminisces about meeting Natsume the year before. I was really happy that Natsume had at least one friend in middle school, and I adored the way Yuriko stood up for him. Hence, I wanted to continue that story. Natsume and his friends are in college in this fanfiction.

Feedback greatly appreciated because that helps me become a better writer, and encourages me to keep going. Thanks!

Natsume Yuujinchou belongs to Yuki Midorikawa.

* * *

Ogata Yuriko sat in the back of the lecture hall, doodling with purpose in the back of her notebook. It was a character design that had been eluding her lately. Sudden inspiration had struck in the form of her dull but eccentric-looking World History professor, who lulled her to sleep with his lectures, but was actually being useful today…by being the basis for her design.

Her design incidentally had nothing to do with her class, or schoolwork in general. But Yuriko had never prided herself on being the best student. Her justification was that, hey, at least she was going to college, and not falling asleep in class to boot. However, this was her first week at Fukuoka University as a college freshman, so she certainly wasn't setting the best track record for herself.

What Yuriko really wanted to do with her life was become a mangaka. That had been her dream since elementary school. Of course, her mom would never let her pursue that straight out of high school, with no certainty of her future. Hence, she had entered college as a means of appeasing her. Truth be told, she often had doubts herself about whether she would ever be able to make it as a manga artist, so this was more of a safety net than anything else. Then, there was the third reason, which was that she wanted some distance from her mom…

College entrance exams had been a pain, and she was honestly surprised when she got accepted into the university of her choice. Going to the shrine every day for almost a month before her exams had paid off apparently. But now that she was here, keeping up her grades was secondary to furthering her dream of becoming an artist.

As she looked up again from her drawing to observe her professor, a guy in the second row caught her eye. She could only see the back of his head and part of his face, but with that dusty-blond hair and profile, he reminded her awfully of Natsume…

The uncanny resemblance could very well be a coincidence, but for the rest of class, Yuriko was too distracted to complete her drawing. She could only stare at the back of the boy's head, hoping he would turn around, at least slightly, so she could see him better.

When class ended she immediately stood up to approach him, but there were over a dozen people in front of her blocking the way. She caught a glimpse of him talking to a dark-haired guy, but by the time she reached the corridor, he was nowhere in sight.

Surely she had been reading too much into the resemblance anyway? What were the odds that her middle school friend would end up in the same university as her? While she had never expected to see Natsume again after he was forced to transfer, which was over three years ago now, she had always wanted to know how he was doing. It would be bad to get her hopes up now, only for it to be dashed later, but she desperately wished that the blonde-haired boy was Natsume. She had been lucky to have some great friends in her childhood, especially her best friend, Junko, but her connection with Natsume was different. It was special to her.

It was a day later, as she was returning to her dorm, that she saw him again in the grassy area beside the Law Building, holding his bag in front of him as if pushing an invisible enemy. Then, something even stranger happened. Yuriko couldn't tell very clearly in the fading light, but a white and orange blob that resembled a lucky cat jumped in front of the boy and seemed to disappear. There was a sharp gust of wind that made Yuriko blink. When she opened her eyes again, the boy was on the ground, coughing, and the cat had reappeared on his stomach. What on earth had just happened?

She heard a familiar voice say, "Thank you, sensei." Her heart thumping, she went forward.

"Natsume-kun. It's Natsume-kun isn't it?"

He sat up startled, and looked at her blankly. "Uh…yes, who are you?"

This oddly reminded her of their first meeting. "Don't tell me you forgot the girl who you once kicked in the face! It's Ogata. Ogata Yuriko. We were in the same class in Year Three of middle school."

Natsume had gotten up to face her and was smiling now. "Ogata! Yes of course, I remember you. I couldn't recognize you. You wear glasses now, and your hair is shorter."

Yuriko self-consciously pushed her glasses up the bridge of her nose. "Thank God, I don't know what I would have said next if you didn't remember." She laughed sheepishly. "You look the same, except a lot taller. What are the chances that we would end up in the same university, huh? I was so surprised!"

The cat abruptly jumped off from Natsume's arms, and trotted off. "Ahhh, Nyanko-sensei, where are you going?"

Yuriko chuckled. "Nyanko-sensei? That's a great name for your pet, it suits him somehow! He's very interesting looking too, just like a maneki neko!"

She could have sworn the cat stopped to look back at her malevolently. "U-uh, I-mean, that is, he is super cute!" She sneaked a glance back at Natsume who looked amused. "Natsume-kun, I think Nyanko-sensei is on to me."

Natsume laughed. "Yeah, he is one heck of a moody cat. Don't worry, some insult to his pride is good for him."

_He has such a beautiful laugh_, Yuriko thought. _He looks much happier now than in middle school. I'm glad. How do I tell him how happy I am for him?_

She wanted to ask him many things. There was so much to say, but she didn't know how to start. She had had difficulty talking to him in middle school too, and it had taken a long time for them to actually have proper conversations. It was a pity that he had been forced to transfer right after they had gotten comfortable with each other.

He was staring intently at a spot on her arm. There was nothing there though. "Natsume-kun. Is there something wrong with my arm?"

Natsume shook his head violently. "No-no, not at all. Sorry, I was just spaced out." Yuriko noticed that he kept glancing back at the same spot, and that he looked stricken when she pinched the spot in her arm. She wanted to know what the problem was, but refrained from asking anything else. She would rather have his company for longer.

She thought about a safe topic to talk about. Finding none, she ventured cautiously, "Toyamatsu-kun told us he came across you and your guardian one day. It sounded like you found a good family."

"Toyamatsu-kun?"

"He was the guy in our class who studied all the time and didn't talk to anyone, so I'm not surprised you don't remember him. He joined the cycling club in high school, and said he saw you on a trip."

"I do remember a cyclist when I was shopping with Touko-san one day… He, uh, dropped something that I picked up. I'm pretty sure that's who you're talking about."

"Is Touko-san your guardian?"

"Yes. Fujiwara Shigeru-san and Touko-san took me in." Natsume's face had lit up. "They are really nice people."

His smile was contagious. "I'm glad, Natsume-kun."

There was a period of awkward silence, during which Yuriko racked her brains for what to say and Natsume slung his messenger back across his shoulder. "I guess I'm going to head to my dorm now, Ogata. I'm happy we got to meet again. I'm sure I'll see yo-"

"No!" Natsume's eyes widened as Yuriko grasped his shoulders in a death-grip. "I'm not letting you off that easily. We just met again after three years, we have to catch up. Are you busy right now?"

"Not busy, no," Natsume said hesitantly.

"Awesome! I haven't had dinner yet, and there's this great udon shop around the corner that's super cheap. Let's go. I won't take no for an answer."

There was a small pause during which Yuriko started to fear that he would say no despite her insistence. But Natsume conceded with a small smile. "Well, if you don't take no for an answer, I guess I don't have a choice."

Conversation flowed more easily over udon, mostly due to Yuriko's repeated prodding and questions. Yuriko learned that Natsume was in the Humanities department like her, and that two of his close friends, Tanuma and Kitamoto, were attending college with him. He mentioned some other friends, who were dispersed through different colleges, and briefly talked about life with the Fujiwaras. He was purposely vague about how he found Nyanko-sensei though, which made her form her own ideas.

Speaking of Nyanko-sensei, the cat had conveniently made his way back to Natsume just as they were going to enter the udon shop. Natsume had bought him a bowl, and he was now slurping it happily. Yuriko was pretty sure pets weren't allowed in the shop, but they were being discreet, and the place was too packed for anyone to notice anyway.

It was windy outside with storm clouds brewing overhead, as they made their way back to the dorms. Natsume sighed as his bangs kept being pushed into his eyes. Yuriko looked at him with a neutral expression. Should she keep quiet this time around? She had unintentionally hurt him the last time.

He glanced at her sideways and smiled. "My hair is quite long and needs a cut, is that what you're thinking?"

"I didn't say anything!" She spluttered.

Natsume laughed. "To answer your curiosity, I still cut my hair myself, even though I can get it professionally cut if I want to. It just became a habit. I'm sure it would look better if I got it cut by someone else, but it doesn't matter to me enough to do that." He fingered his bangs thoughfully. "I DO need to cut my hair soon."

Yuriko hesitated for a second, and then spoke up. "I'm not a professional, but I know how to cut hair. If you want, I can cut it for you sometime. It's probably slightly better than cutting yourself."

Natsume looked surprised. "You cut hair?"

Yuriko was embarrassed. "It's not like that exactly. My mom cuts hair, she has a small salon. I picked it up from her a few years ago, just for fun, and helped her out sometimes."

"Is that why you notice people's hair? Because you've grown up around it?"

"You could say that." What Yuriko wouldn't tell him is that it was her fascination for him that had led her to learning how to cut from her mom in the first place. It had been after he left, and it had felt like a connection to him, however small.

"Okay," said Natsume. "Sure."

"Huh? Sure what?"

"Sure, you can cut it." Natsume smiled at her. He smiled a lot, didn't he? He didn't do that in middle school. Was it that he had so much joy now that it always spilled over, or was it to hide something else? "It can't hurt. So why not?"

"Great! How about Thursday then?" She would practice with a wig before then. She was a little rusty now, and she certainly didn't want to mess his hair up. "If you don't like it, it's not my fault, alright?"

"I'm sure it'll be fine."

They had reached the girl's dorm by now. "Thanks for today, Natsume-kun."

"For what?"

"I did pretty much drag you to dinner with me."

There was the omnipresent smile. "It was fun."

"I am going to head back to my room then. Bye, sensei!" She waved at the cat perched on Natsume's shoulder and took off.

"Did you see the red clingbug on her arm, sensei? It was Suneko, the clingbug that clung to me for a week, and then disappeared one day. Remember it jumped on me from a bunch of cyclists?" Natsume mused that one of those cyclists must have been Toyamatsu. Interesting that Suneko had gone back to Ogata's town, where he had first met it, and was now with Ogata. Perhaps it would return to the town again soon.

"It was a weakling anyway." Nyanko-sensei scoffed. He looked up at Natsume speculatively. "To think you had friends in middle school. I always thought those two idiots, Kitamoto and Nishimura, were your first friends."

"She was the only one before them. "

Nyanko-sensei gave a sly smile. "And a haircut, huh? How sweet."

Natsume shrugged. "Let's go say hi to Tanuma before heading to the room?"

"You go visit the twerp. I am going to find me some sake." Nyanko-sensei giggled as he wandered off.

Natsume rolled his eyes. As he was about to enter the boy's dorm building though, he collided with a green goblin. "Natsume-samaaa," the goblin wailed and grabbed his arm. "Please help me find my brother. Some of my youkai friends said you could help."

"I guess Tanuma will have to wait." Natsume sighed and followed the goblin.

* * *

Let me know your thoughts! Had a lot of fun writing this. Writing Yuriko was an interesting experience. While she has a lot of potential as a major character, since she has such a small role in canon she's not very well-developed. I took what I could from the source material though. For example, the fact that her dream is to be a mangaka came from the fact that her bookshelf in her room is filled with manga. Her mom owning a salon was random, but she seemed like the type.

This was originally meant to be a one-shot, but I will most likely continue this. Not totally sure!

Feedback greatly _greatly_ appreciated.


	2. Chapter 2

Thanks to all my readers in the last chapter! A special shout-out to Sincerely the Sign Painter, ShadowSnowdapple, a random person, and the two guests for reviewing :).

Enjoy Chapter 2! Also something super exciting: Yuriko can be added as a character in the filter search for Natsume Yuujincho now :).

* * *

While Yuriko set up for his haircut, Natsume distracted himself from the discomfort of being alone in a girl's room. He hadn't thought it through when he agreed to the haircut, had he? It would have made him feel better if Nyanko-sensei were here, but of course, the spirit made it a habit of disappearing when he wanted him the most.

He looked around Yuriko's room. Every inch of the small wall space in the dorm room was covered with posters and paintings. The posters were not that interesting to him because they were from anime and TV shows he rarely watched, although he did regard the poster of Natori with some amusement. What intrigued him were the paintings. They were mostly landscapes with people featured in some way and –

"Hoho, Natsume-kun," said a sing-song voice. "I saw you staring at the Unloved poster. A Natori Shuuichi fan, are you?"

Natsume jumped. "N-No! Absolutely not! I was just wondering what the appeal was that's all. He seems like a regular guy to me."

"Right right," Yuriko said smirking. "Take a seat."

Yuriko wrapped a towel around his shoulders and put clips around his bangs. Still looking at the paintings as he sat, he inquired, "Are those paintings by you?"

"Yeah." Suddenly uncharacteristically shy, she asked, "Did you like them?"

"They're amazing, I like them a lot." He couldn't see Yuriko's expression when she thanked him but he wasn't lying. The detail in her work was superb. There was one painting in particular that caught his eye. It was a lone boy reading a book under a tree, his face in shadows. It drew him in somehow.

"Hey! Don't move around so much!" Yuriko's fingers were warm as she straightened his head. She grinned a bit, "Although, it would be interesting to see what you look like with a chunk of hair missing."

Natsume laughed nervously and sat up straighter. This girl definitely had an evil side.

"I put the paintings up to act as a reminder for my dream," she said. "I get lazy and lose track, so reminders always help."

"Your dream?"

Her voice was distant. "I want to get published at a reputed magazine as a mangaka someday."

"So the paintings are from your manga?"

"Only some. Others are random inspirations."

Natsume got the impression that there was more to the story, but that she wasn't comfortable to share yet. Even so, he was a little envious that Yuriko had a concrete goal that she was working towards. He didn't have anything like that driving his life. He had worked hard to attend college, not because he had particularly wanted to, but because he didn't want to let the Fujiwaras down. Their kindness had made an enormous difference in his life, and he wanted to show them that it had paid off. But what was it that he actually wanted to do with his life?

He didn't have a specific career goal in mind. Was it wrong to simply want to help people, both youkai and human, understand each other better? That's what he really wanted to do. First, understand people himself, and then help them understand each other better.

He simply could not imagine himself in a day job. How would he even explain youkai incidences that affected him in the workplace without people thinking he was crazy or getting fired? However, it was true that he was getting better at managing the boundaries between the two worlds lately. He had started learning how to make youkai seals from Natori and Hiiragi, in order to better dictate his involvement in the spiritual world, rather than letting it dictate him.

Things were quiet for a while except for the periodic sniping of scissors. Natsume enjoyed the feeling of his hair being brushed, and the soft touch of fingers on his scalp. Although he was slightly uncomfortable at the proximity, he had to admit that it was nice to be pampered.

"All done!" Yuriko exclaimed, turning his head this way and that. "I personally think it looks great, but I'll let you decide."

Natsume looked in the mirror he was handed, and got a surprise. His haircut was quite flattering. It was definitely an improvement from what he could have managed himself.

"So what do you think?" Yuriko had been watching him closely. Although she had her usual confident air about her, Natsume noted a hint of uncertainty in her eyes. She wanted his approval, he realized.

Embarrassed, and not entirely sure how to express his gratitude, he forced himself to be enthusiastic, "It looks great!"

Yuriko smiled awkwardly and turned to sweep up his hair on the floor. Natsume inwardly kicked himself, he had sounded so fake! He tried to redeem himself by hastening to take the broom away and cleaning for her, but the damage was done.

As Natsume returned to his dorm, he contemplated the irony of the fact that he found interacting with youkai easier than with humans. Youkai were always brutally honest with their demands of him after all. They did not sugarcoat things, or hide anything. In turn, Natsume found it easy to be completely open with them as well, whether it was in anger, exasperation, support or friendship. It was strange that despite the randomness and unpredictability of his spiritual encounters, he found himself more in control during them than when he was with humans.

Although, that did not mean his interactions with humans were any less worthwhile or special. He certainly treasured his human companions. In one sense, his human relationships were even more rewarding because of the extra effort he put into them. He supposed he had come a long way already, but he hoped he got better at them with time.

He would have to make it up to Yuriko at some point. She had been subdued when he left, probably thinking he hated his haircut. If only he had rectified the situation then.

.

.

.

He made it up to her in one way or another, by asking her to cut his hair again in three weeks' time. A haircut was not absolutely essential then, but he didn't want to wait any longer. He could tell it made her really happy. After that it became a regular occurrence, and he stopped cutting his own hair. He felt slightly guilty about getting a free service that was for all intents and purposes like a professional level haircut, but hey wasn't that what friends were for?

Still guilt-ridden, he started treating her to lunch every time she cut his hair, despite her insistence that it wasn't necessary. That was how she got to meet Tanuma and Kitamoto, who he often had lunch with. It was lucky that Tanuma, Kitamoto and he had gotten into the same university; his other friends were a little more scattered. Nishimura and Taki were both at Kyuushu University, which was about an hour away by train. Sasada was unfortunately even farther, but at least he got to see Nishimura and Taki regularly.

Time passed and summer break came and went. Natsume found himself reluctantly enjoying college and city life. He supposed having people around who cared about him made all the difference, wherever he was. Today, he was idyllically lying on his back in the woods on the edge of campus, staring at the russet-colored sky. It was almost sunset.

Nyanko-sensei was nuzzled against his side. The cat spirit had been indulging in one of his favorite activities in the grass – picking out and tormenting bugs – but had eventually succumbed to sleep. They had gone through a tiring day.

A shadow loomed over his face. "Natsume-kun? Where were you all day? You missed class!" Ah, Ogata.

Natsume smiled at her, but did not have the energy to get up and greet her properly. "Um, got busy with an errand."

"Must be an important errand, indeed!" She looked skeptical but didn't ask anything else.

He couldn't see her properly, but she must have sat down behind him and taken her sketchbook out, because he could hear scratching on paper. "Ahh, it's so pretty out today!" she exclaimed. Yep, he was right.

The truth was Hinoe had come to his dorm in the middle of the night to urgently ask for his and Nyanko-sensei's help. The Matoba clan had been exorcising an area inhabited by her friends for a week now. Being no match alone, she sought their assistance. Natsume had been reluctant to miss class, but how could he refuse Hinoe? She had helped him countless times after all.

The trip had taken most of the day, but at least the situation had been resolved. He thankfully did not have to deal with Matoba Seiji himself, since he had sent his lackeys to do his work for him this time.

"Did I miss anything in class, Ogata?"

"Not much in Foreign Literature. As for the other class, I have no idea."

"You were scolding me, but you missed class too?"

Yuriko's tone was sheepish. "Nope. I fell asleep."

Natsume laughed. Typical.

"Hey, you've fallen asleep in that class too, don't think I haven't noticed."

"Mmhm." He felt like following Nyanko-sensei's example himself and dozing off. The scratching of pencil against paper was calming. His eyelids drooped.

"Natsume-kun."

Natsume sighed. Thwarted. "What is it?"

She was silent for a moment as the scratching continued.

"You woke me up for this. Don't be silent now." Hm, his tiredness was making him more irritable than usual. Maybe Nyanko-sensei was rubbing off on him.

"Call me Yuriko."

He wasn't expecting that. "Why all of a sudden?" Natsume turned a little so he could look at her from the corner of his eye. She was pretending to be engrossed in her drawing so he couldn't see her expression.

"All my close friends called me Yuriko in high school. No-one here does, it's weird."

Natsume shrugged. "Sure I guess. Are you going to ask Tanuma and Kitamoto too?"

"Maybe." She was looking at him expectantly. "Well?"

He immediately understood. "Uh, hardly anyone calls me by my first name, even back at home."

"So you don't like your first name?"

"No, I do like it. Both my names are special to me."

"So I can call you by your first name then?" she asked with an innocent smile that was anything but innocent.

Natsume gave a resigned sigh. "Yes, I suppose so."

"Why so suspicious?"

"I don't know, maybe because I always feel like you're plotting something. Like, I get great haircuts now, but maybe one day I'll look in the mirror to see you cut it all off as a joke," he smiled to let her know he was teasing.

Yuriko laughed. "You make me sound cooler than I actually am." She tested out his first name. "Takashi-kun."

For all his grumbling, he didn't really mind that Yuriko called him by his first name. It was kind of nice actually. He also realized he was more comfortable with teasing his friends now. The mask that he had around humans, but not in the spiritual world, was beginning to slip, at least around some people. Content, he closed his eyes again as the scratching resumed.

* * *

Author's Note: As always, let me know what you think! Follows and favorites make me happy, but review are what helps me become a better writer :).

A note about the Japanese Academic Year: While my knowledge is limited, the Japanese academic year goes from April to March, and universities typically have two semesters (April-September and October-March), with three breaks (Summer break starting late July, a short winter break starting December, and Spring Break in early March). Hence, at the end of the chapter since summer had passed, Natsume and the others have finished their first semester and started their second semester, but are still first-year students. Hope that clears things up!

Natsume is an incredibly hard character to write so I am not sure if I did him justice. But it was fun to write. :)

I have about 7 chapters total planned for this story, but that number may go up or down. I will try to update regularly, at least 1-2 times per month (maybe more often), but depends on how busy I get. Thanks for reading!


	3. Chapter 3

Thank you to ShadowSnowdapple, AkabaneKazama, a random person, Sincerely the Sign Painter, MagicalNeko, and the guests for the lovely reviews. It always makes me happy to read your comments. Now on to Chapter 3!

* * *

**Chapter 3**

Kitamoto groaned from his spot in the library. "My professor is evil. I can't believe how much material is on our test tomorrow. I've been studying nonstop the last few days and I'm still not done!"

Natsume, who was seated on Kitamoto's left, gave his friend a sympathetic smile. "Sorry, Kitamoto. But I'm sure everyone in your class is in the same boat, so don't worry too much."

Kitamoto rested his forehead on the table and sighed, "I hope so…"

"Is that your phone that keeps vibrating, by the way? It's been going off for a while," Natsume said quizzically.

Kitamoto lifted his head, "Huh? Nope." He looked at Yuriko who was sitting across from him. "Your phone's ringing, Ogata." He couldn't see what she was doing because there was a pile of textbooks between them, but she was so engrossed in her work that she hadn't even looked up.

Curiosity getting the better of him, Kitamoto leaned over the books, making Yuriko yelp in surprise. He burst out laughing when he saw what she was doing, "Here I was actually thinking you were working for once, but you're _drawing_! I knew there was something fishy!"

"This is far more important than any homework," Yuriko said indignantly, glaring at him. "There's a one-shot competition coming up. The winner of the competition will get an apprenticeship with a mangaka called Kirigaya Yuki, who is a pretty big deal. Do you have any idea what that would mean for my career?!" Her eyes were gleaming.

"Right right, Ms. Manga Artist. I was completely wrong to think you were slacking off," said Kitamoto in a placating gesture, still thoroughly amused. "Just don't forget that you have to graduate too, and homework is an annoying but important part of that. Do you ever actually study?"

"Yes, I study! I'll have you know that while my grades may be mediocre they are certainly not terrible. Hmph, underestimating me."

"Okay, my mistake," Kitamoto was grinning.

Natsume smiled at their antics, although they were being far too loud for the library. Some people were throwing dirty looks in their direction. He looked around their table as the vibrating noise began again. "Yuriko, is that your phone going off?"

Yuriko sighed. "Yeah, my mom's been calling me. I was going to call her back later, but since I already got distracted-" She pointedly looked at Kitamoto, "I guess now's a good time as any. I'll be back in a bit."

"I want to sleep early for my test, so I'm probably leaving soon. See you later!" Kitamoto called out loudly as Yuriko exited with her phone, to more stares from the students around them.

Surprisingly, it was almost an hour later that Yuriko came back, and Kitamoto had already gone home. Yuriko looked upset, Natsume noted. Had she fought with her mom? She said, "Sorry that took so long. I guess you were forced to wait since I left all my stuff here."

"No worries, I was still working on my essay." Natsume smiled at her. It was only half a lie; he had finished a little while ago, but had entertained himself by looking at Yuriko's drawings. "Shall we head back?"

* * *

Yuriko appreciated the fact that Natsume didn't ask her anything as they walked from the library to the dorms. But while she wasn't sure she was ready to talk about her mom yet, it was eating at her slowly.

"Takashi-kun, I am going to go to the shrine to clear my head. Will you come with me?" Natsume agreed.

They went to a small shrine near campus that Yuriko often frequented. While there was the occasional visitor during the day, the shrine wasn't very well known since it was tucked away on the edge of the woods. At night, the place was almost eerie, because of the way the surrounding trees cast their shadows on the shrine grounds. But if you could get past that, the location offered an excellent view of the stars. Yuriko had stumbled upon the shrine one evening when she was wandering around campus looking for Natsume. It had quickly become her private sanctuary. It reminded her of the shrine she regularly visited at home, the one where she had first stumbled upon a sleeping Natsume during middle school, and where, in high school, she had her near death experience.

Once seated at the shrine, Yuriko ventured on the topic of her mom. While it was not an easy topic to talk about, she had a very attentive listener.

Ogata Fusae had never been supportive of her daughter's mangaka aspirations, and she had made that fact plain to Yuriko. However, Yuriko had not stopped trying. She had hoped that now that she was attending college upon her mother's wishes, she would find her mom more receptive to her mangaka dream. So, a few days previously, perhaps against her better judgment, she had told her about the one-shot competition and the chance to get an apprenticeship with a renowned manga artist.

Yuriko honestly didn't know why she had bothered, because since then her mom had been hounding her about not spending enough time on coursework. _Yuri-chan, you have your head in the clouds_, she had kept repeating.

"Lately, I don't even feel like talking to her. I guess I've been bitter at her this whole year for not letting me go to art school. I don't see how a degree in the Humanities department is going to help me get anywhere, but my mom doesn't give a damn about my career goals."

She blinked back tears. "I didn't want to push too hard, because deep down, I knew that she was only doing it because she was concerned. She raised me by herself since I was a kid, and she worked hard to do that. She never had the money to go to college, and it had been her dream that I would be able to go. I couldn't refuse something like that… Then, of course, there's the fact that if I fail to make it big as an artist, I'll have no money, I know that. So I listened to her. Then why, when I did exactly what she wanted, can I not pursue my passion on the side? It's like I always listen to her and do exactly as she asks, but she never listens to me! She's always talking over me."

There was a pause as Yuriko caught her breath. Natsume let her talk it out. "What terrifies me is that it might be my own fault. Maybe if I had worked harder in high school for my dream, and made more progress, she would have understood."

She sighed and brought her knees up to her chest, and buried her head, "I don't know what to do, Takashi-kun. I hate this."

Natsume said kindly, "You're being too harsh on yourself. It's true that you slack off on schoolwork sometimes, but you work harder than anyone on your art. You have the talent and the determination to make it, I know it."

He put a hand on top of her head, "If I can see that so easily, so can your mom. She raised you to be who you are after all. So maybe, the problem is that she hasn't seen your work the way I have? I'm sure when she sees it, she will understand."

Yuriko shook her head. "I don't know if she would understand, even if she saw it. I've shown her my work before."

"But it can't hurt to try again, right? You can send her some of your recent work, that's the first step. Or maybe when you're home next you can show her yourself. She is probably thinking about what's best for you, and can't see it from your perspective."

"Maybe you're right…"

They sat quietly watching the stars. Yuriko felt a lot calmer and happier now after getting everything out of her chest. But Natsume usually had that effect on her, without even trying. When she could feel the warmth of his smile, or smell his distinct earthly smell, she was content.

When had she begun to feel this way? While she fully did not understand her feelings, she knew that since she met Natsume in middle school, there was a magnetism that drew her to him. It had faded as time passed after he left, but now that they were together again, it was growing stronger with each passing day.

In her daze, she had not noticed that Natsume was staring at something on the edges of the shrine, and slowly shaking his head. With a start, she realized that there was some liquid (water?) dripping from his hair. But where did it come from? Before she could ask him about it, Natsume had gotten up abruptly. "Sorry, Yuriko, would you mind walking home by yourself? I just remembered something I have to do."

Her heart ached. Again, it was that part of Natsume's world that she did not understand. "Yeah, I'll see you later."

He gave her a distracted wave as he walked away. All Yuriko could feel was a sinking feeling at the pit of her stomach. She felt… betrayed. She had shared a very private part of her life with Natsume, but she was no closer to him confiding his secret with her. Not that she had told him about her mom with the hidden agenda to make him obligated to reveal something about himself. She had told him because she wanted to, but it still hurt. Why did she always feel like she and Natsume lived in two parallel worlds that sometimes touched, but never really intersected?

The desire to know the truth burned within her. She had a sudden and desperate urge to follow him, despite every bone in her body suggesting she shouldn't because it could be something dangerous, not to mention an imposition on privacy. But surely, if her theories about Natsume were wrong and it was nothing out of the ordinary, then she wouldn't be putting herself into danger at all, or imposing on his privacy. And if instead, her suspicions were confirmed, well, she had known anyway, right? It was a logical fallacy, but she managed to convince herself.

Her decision made, she ran into the woods in the direction Natsume had gone. He had not gone far, and finding him was easy. She maintained a large distance, hiding behind trees. In the moonlight, she could see that Nyanko-sensei had appeared from somewhere, and was on Natsume's shoulder. It seemed like Natsume was talking to him, but from her distance she couldn't hear anything.

Yuriko peeked out from behind her tree. Her heart rate doubled as a twig snapped loudly under her feet. For a moment she feared that the cat had spotted her, as he jumped off Natsume and began to trot a few steps in her direction with a glint in his eye. However, Nyanko-sensei did not continue, and eventually went back the path he came.

Natsume tore a piece of paper from a green notebook, folded it and put it in his mouth. His hair rustled in the soft breeze, gleaming silver in the moonlight. Her heart thumping, Yuriko went as close as she dared so she could hear him.

His hands were together, almost as if he was praying. "Amefurikozo, I return your name to you, please accept it." The paper in Natsume's mouth disappeared. Yuriko shivered as the wind suddenly intensified.

Things were quiet for a few moments, during which Natsume stood stock still with his eyes closed. Then he grabbed Nyanko-sensei and pulled on his cheeks. "Some bodyguard you are. Where have you been all this time, while the little spirit followed me around? I couldn't do anything because Yuriko was with me."

It seemed like Nyanko-sensei replied to Natsume in a haughty tone of voice, but it was muffled somehow. Was she imagining it? Although, if Nyanko-sensei could talk, she couldn't say she would be surprised.

Her blonde-haired friend was pointing at something in front of him now. "And you spirit, you should have known better than to nag me when I was with humans. Did you really think I would have been able to return your name then?"

There was a pause, and Natsume put his hands in front of his face in a disarming gesture. "Okay, okay, it's fine, don't cry. It's alright."

Afraid that Natsume or Nyanko-sensei would stumble upon her, Yuriko stealthily made her way back. She had heard more than enough anyway.

The ache in her heart refused to go away. It wasn't the confirmation about Natsume's involvement in the spiritual world that upset her; she always had strong suspicions about that already. It was the realization that she barely knew Natsume. Back there, he had felt like a different person. Commanding, assertive, and powerful, in a sharp contrast to how he appeared to her a daily basis. Well, it wasn't that he was timid in normal life, but he certainly didn't have such a commanding presence. He was contemplative, thoughtful, and so unimposing he could easily fade into the background. Which one was the real Natsume?

What really bothered her was that she was not important enough for him to shed his mask around her, or share his secret with her. He was still completely out of her reach, with the distance to his parallel world seeming even farther than before.

That night, Yuriko barely slept. She stayed up most of the night and drowned herself in her art.

* * *

**Notes: **

Amefurikozo is a Japanese rain spirit that takes the form of a child.

I made up the name Kirigaya Yuki, but notice the (slight) resemblance to the author of Natsume Yuujinchou, Midorikawa Yuki :P.

Reviews make me happy :).


	4. Chapter 4

Author's Note: Thanks for the reviews, a random person, Mana, mnxmnxr, and the guests! I appreciate the support very much!

Special thanks to biribirichan, whose amazing feedback helped me a lot!

* * *

**Chapter 4**

Seated outside the student center, Tanuma Kaname carefully munched his onigiri, while simultaneously warding Nyanko-sensei off from the rest of his bentou box. Natsume had left to go to an interview for a part-time job earlier, so Nyanko-sensei had decided to remain with Tanuma to relieve his boredom. The presence of pets on campus grounds was frowned upon, but what did the cat care?

Tanuma's thoughts drifted to Natsume, who was looking quite dashing today in his interview clothes. Natsume would disagree, but Tanuma thought that his friend was quite good-looking, albeit in a somewhat feminine way. He was sure he would hit it off with the ladies if he was slightly less awkward around them, although girls were probably the last thing on his mind. Tanuma remembered with a smile about how Natsume had blushed the time in high school when Nishimura had informed him, somewhat jealously, of his female fan club. Natsume was convinced that his friends were teasing him, but he failed to realize how much girls loved mysterious boys.

A small sigh across the table made Tanuma look up. Yuriko, who was sitting opposite him, had been drawing intently on her sketchbook for a while. She seemed displeased about something though, with her brow slightly furrowed. Every so often she would look up and… Wait, was she drawing him?!

"Tanuma, hold that pose for a second." To his great dismay, she took out her phone and took a picture of him. "Ugh, you changed your expression. Just sit straight and pretend I'm not taking a picture, okay?" She snapped another photo.

Red-faced, Tanuma asked, "Yuriko, why are you drawing me?"

"What do you mean, why? You're sitting beautifully and you have great posture." Tanuma turned, if possible, even redder. "Plus, the scenery behind you is just what I need. Don't worry, you'll barely be recognizable in my drawing. I'm just using bits and pieces, not actually drawing you. In fact, if you see the character, you'll probably be insulted, so don't even bother trying to find out what it turns out to be."

"That's alright then, I guess." He wouldn't admit it out loud but he was flattered to be used as a "model" for her work. He had a thought. "Have you used Natsume and Kitamoto too?"

"More of Natsume than Kitamoto, but yeah."

"What about Ponta- uh, that is, Nyangoro-sensei?"

Yuriko scoffed as if to say, _that ugly thing?_

Tanuma laughed at her expression. "I'm glad you think he's as ugly as I do. I think the only person who thinks he's cute is Taki. Still haven't figured out why-" The rest of his sentence was cut off as Nyanko-sensei jumped on him. "Ahhh, Ponta, stop scratching me! Here, I'll give you the rest of my onigiri." The cat suddenly became docile as he happily munched the offered rice ball.

Tanuma breathed a sigh of relief and faced Yuriko. "I've heard a lot about Nishimura from Kitamoto, but not much about Taki. What is she like?" Yuriko asked thoughtfully as she erased some lines from her drawing.

Tanuma blinked. That was such an odd question. How did one describe Taki? "Uh… I don't really know how to describe her."

Yuriko shrugged. "Whatever comes to your head."

"She seems quiet at first but talks a lot if you get to know her. She's practical and thoughtful, but her personality totally changes around cute things." He looked at Nyanko-sensei and smirked. "Or what she thinks is cute anyway."

Oh, how he wished all his friends were in the same university. Nishimura and Taki were in Kyushu, which wasn't that far by train, but it was hard to plan anything with them in the thick of the semester. Train tickets were also quite expensive, and Tanuma usually used any spare money that he had to visit his dad at home. His dad had grown quite frail over the years, and it always made him so happy when he visited.

He particularly missed Taki because, as the only other person who knew Natsume's secret, they could always put their heads together if Natsume was in trouble and needed help. He worried about Natsume a lot more now that Taki wasn't in the same city.

There was also the fact that Taki knew things about him that even Natsume didn't know, because he hadn't had the courage to tell the other boy. Before, he used to get very upset when Natsume took on incredible burdens by himself, keeping quiet about it so as to spare him from it. Tanuma would find out after the fact if it made Natsume sick or cursed or worse, but he was sure there were a lot of instances when he never realized at all. He hadn't known, back then, how to talk to Natsume about it, and that merely aggravated his turmoil. But Taki noticed and asked Tanuma about it, and being a patient listener, she had become his confidante. Tanuma didn't have problems communicating with Natsume any longer, because they had grown a lot closer over the years, especially after the Omibashira incident when they swore to be honest with each other. However, he would always be grateful to Taki for allowing him to make the first step. She had a special place in his heart.

The scratching of graphite on paper brought Tanuma to the present. "I'm sure you'll meet both Taki and Nishimura soon," he said out loud to Yuriko.

"Yeah… I'd like to meet them." Yuriko had looked at him curiously while he was talking about Taki, but now she had gone back to her drawing. The conversation fizzled out because Yuriko did not add anything and Tanuma did not know what else to say.

Tanuma sighed. Conversation still wasn't his strong point, even though he had tried hard to improve over the years. He was pretty good with his friends now, but he struggled with Yuriko for some reason, despite making an extra effort to get to know her better since she was one of Natsume's oldest friends. Perhaps he was just trying too hard?

He remembered how he had tried too hard with Natsume when they first became friends. His friendship with the other boy had been sacred to him, because he had never felt such a strong connection with anyone else before, and he had not wanted to mess it up. He also wanted to treat the secret that Natsume had shared with him with care. But in the process of worrying too much about it, he had unconsciously started treading around Natsume as if he was fragile china, which only served to create a barrier between them. It was when Taki identified the problem that Tanuma let go a little, and his friendship with Natsume became all the stronger because of it.

With Yuriko, the reason he was trying so hard to get to know her was for Natsume's sake. It was obvious that Natsume cared a lot about her, and vice versa, and he didn't want him to feel that his high school friends were isolating Yuriko from their group just because they didn't know her that well. Tanuma ran a hand through his hair in frustration; he was definitely thinking about this too much.

To distract himself from his pointless thoughts, Tanuma decided to do some homework while he waited for Natsume to return. As he rummaged around his bag, Yuriko spoke up, "Sorry, Tanuma. I know I'm not being very sociable. I just have a lot to do before the competition, and I remembered something I'd forgotten."

Tanuma was surprised at the apology, but felt happier. Clearly he had been worrying over nothing. "No, it's okay. I understand." He smiled slightly. He realized that while Yuriko could sometimes get lost in her own world, she usually tried to be considerate.

"I know!" Yuriko suddenly exclaimed, stomping her palm with a fist. "Now that I'm done with the section I was working on, I'll give you some tips on manga drawing!"

_Crap._ How would he get out of this? Yuriko was a little overzealous with her art sometimes. If she got a hold of him once… "That's not necessary. You focus on your work. I was planning on catching up on some homework anyway."

"No I insist! Who knows when it will be useful to you? Plus, it'll be helpful to me to because you can look at things with fresh eyes!"

Tanuma did not have the heart to tell her that the possibility of him ever needing to draw manga was about as likely as her one day becoming a priest. He supposed he was willing to help her out though. "Okay, I guess…"

Yuriko moved to the other side of the table beside Tanuma. "Okay, so one of the most important aspects is perspective. If you draw from the same angle all the time, not only will it be boring, the reader will also miss out on the detail of the surroundings. Plus, you'll be limiting your artwork." She pointed at a panel. "So why do you think I drew the character from this angle? Do you think it makes sense in terms of what's happening?"

Yuriko commented on different features of her panels and asked for Tanuma's opinion on them until Natsume came back, who was bemused at the sight of the two of them poring over Yuriko's art.

* * *

The next day, Yuriko walked through the concrete courtyard after class, her mind in a buzz. She had been distracted most of the day by thoughts of her competition entry, which she had temporarily titled Bygone Days. There was a lot to do before the deadline.

The high school theme of the competition was not a difficult one, but the commonplace genre made it hard to steer clear of clichéd themes or overused tropes. To stand out in these competitions, you had to do something unusual, and she had decided to do that by throwing in some supernatural elements. She had no shortage of inspiration for the supernatural after all, courtesy of Natsume. She only prayed that not too many contenders had the same idea.

The protagonist in her story was a deceased teenage girl who, unable to move on from her past life, decided to remain at her high school as a do-gooder. No-one could see her, so of course, things get complicated quickly. What Yuriko was struggling with the most wasn't the plot; it was the delivery of her story through her art. There was a lot to think about: setting, scene angles, background scenery, character designs, tone, the list went on. She had been drawing for as long as she could remember, but the pressure of putting together a full-fledged 45-page manga within the deadline was overwhelming. She felt out of her depth.

"Yuriko?" She was abruptly shaken out of her thoughts by Natsume's voice. She had not realized that he was still beside her after they left class.

Since the incident last week, when she had discovered Natsume's secret, she had spent countless hours thinking about spirits and trying to wrap her head around the confirmation of their existence. It was a useless battle though, because she didn't have anyone to answer her questions. She certainly wasn't going to ask Natsume about it directly; the consequences of that could be disastrous.

However, contemplating about the spiritual world constantly day and night (because it refused to leave her thoughts) had initially caused her to lose focus on the task at hand: completing Bygone Days. When she worked on her stories, she had to completely immerse herself in their world. Otherwise, the quality of her work dropped drastically. But because she kept thinking about the existence of youkai, which last week's events practically confirmed, it seeped into her work.

She had finally gotten back on track this week, with the threat of the looming deadline snapping her back to her senses. Complete immersion in her manga was completely necessary at this point, because it was crunch time. The last few days she had stopped thinking about everything else, which included youkai and Natsume, and regrettably, also her schoolwork. While it allowed her to get the best output possible, the drawback was that it made her absent-minded and made her forget about the world around her.

"Sorry, Takashi-kun. I was spaced out. What did you say?"

He touched his too-long bangs, "I was wondering if you had any time to cut my hair in the next few days."

"Oh right. I forgot that it's about that time."

"You don't have to if you're busy. I could cut it myself this time."

He always said this. Every time. As if cutting his hair was such a burden on her. She would have thought he would get the hint after the seven or eight times she had cut his hair. She poked his cheek, "How many times do I have to tell you I'm happy do it no matter how busy I am?"

Looking at Natsume now, and how tentative he was around people, she felt like laughing at herself for being upset last week that he didn't share his secret with her. How could she have possibly been upset at this boy who tiptoed around people, even those close to him, because he was afraid that one day they would reject or leave him, all because of his powers? She remembered the ostracized boy from her middle school days. The boy who barely anyone spoke to; who read books alone in the school courtyard during breaks instead of joining everyone else; who spent his time running away from spirits and people alike; who was called a weirdo and a liar by people who hadn't even met him, including Yuriko's own mother. All because of his ability to see spirits, an ability which people in their infinite wisdom of making hasty judgments about things that differ from the norm, never tried to understand. If she was in Natsume's position, would she be able to talk about it? Talk about something that he had been rejected his whole life for?

Really, what right did she have to be upset? His ability was not about her, it was about him, and it was his secret to share or keep. He would tell her when he was ready, wouldn't he? And if she was a true friend, she would support him no matter what, whether he told her or not. If she couldn't do that much, then how would she be any different from all those people who rejected Natsume just because he was different? But, she hoped he did tell her… She wanted to understand him better.

Yuriko gently pulled Natsume's sleeve. "You want me to cut it now? I have some time."

* * *

While Yuriko cut his hair, Natsume was looking curiously at the papers strewn on the floor near her desk.

Yuriko was embarrassed. "I know it looks like a mess, but there's a really good reason for it. I got stuck with my art this morning, so I spread the panels out to look at it all together. "

"Did it help?"

"A little, but I'm still running dry." She sighed. "I've been thinking about it so much it's driving me nuts honestly…"

"Why don't you take a break? You still have a month, right?"

"Yeah… maybe today, after your haircut, I'll go get some new manga for inspiration." She glanced at her handiwork on the floor. Would she really be able to finish it in a month? There was so much she needed to work on…

In her distracted state, she didn't notice her hand slip. Natsume yelped in pain as the scissors nicked his ear.

"Takashi-kun, I'm so sorry!" That was so stupid! Yuriko berated herself. How could she have been so careless when she was doing something so delicate? Thankfully, the damage had been minimal, but it could have been much worse. "I'm going to go get some ointment for your ear."

Natsume grabbed her hand as she made to move. "It's fine, Yuriko, really. It hardly even touched my ear. I was just surprised, that's all."

Yuriko nodded, "I won't get distracted again, I promise." Her eyes wandered over to Natsume's hand, which was still holding hers. It was warm…

Natsume flushed and dropped her hand immediately. Slightly subdued, Yuriko went back to cutting his hair.

When she was done, Natsume looked at the papers on the floor again and asked, "When you're done with your story you'll let me read it, right?"

Yuriko smiled instantly. Like most artists, she loved it when people wanted to see her work. "Sure. Do you want to see the name?"

"The…name?"

"It's like the storyboard, or outline of each panel, where you hash out the plot. It's usually very basic drawings, stick figures and the like, although mine are a little more detailed." Yuriko sat down at her desk and motioned him towards her.

As Natsume approached, he passed by the mirror and let out an exclamation. Yuriko looked up. "What's the matter? You don't like your haircut?"

Natsume was quick to refute her assumption, "No, no, that's not it. It just looks so different. How did you do that?"

"Sorry, I should have told you what I was doing. I cut it a little shorter to make your natural spikes stand out."

"Don't worry about it." He stumbled with the words a little bit. "I-I really like it, Yuriko."

Yuriko smiled, her cheeks turning warm. "Thanks, Takashi-kun."

When Yuriko handed him the name, Natsume hesitated, "Maybe it's better if I wait to read it. I don't want to ruin the enjoyment of the actual thing."

Yuriko's face fell. "Well, I guess you have a point. I already sounded out the plot with Junko and Misae. Oh, and also Tanuma yesterday. So, I don't think I need help with identifying plot holes or anything." Then she perked up. "I know! Let me show you the title page. That's in color, and the only thing I've completely finalized." She extracted the page from between polyester sheets in her storage box, and handed it to him.

It was a side profile of a beautiful young girl with long silver hair and blue markings under her eyes. She was wearing a simple white kimono, and standing beside an open window that overlooked a courtyard full of students. The girl was smiling, but she had a certain hardness to her expression. She reminded Natsume of the mirror spirit that had taken over Tanuma's body once. While he looked at the drawing, Yuriko explained the basic premise of the plot to him.

"I didn't really get inspired by a particular work, but you could say that some of the plot is reminiscent of parts from _Bleach_, _Angel Beats_, _Full Moon wo Sagashite_, _Mushi-shi_, and _Noragami_."

"Uh… I don't know what those are."

Yuriko pushed her glasses farther up her nose, and gave an exasperated sigh. "At times like this you're supposed to smile and nod and pretend you know what I'm talking about. Idiot. Tanuma is much better at this." Natsume laughed.

Natsume brought the paper closer to his eyes; there was a lot of detail in the drawing, even in the background, which you could easily miss at first glance. "Is the plot very complex?"

"I wouldn't say so. The story is pretty simple. The emphasis is on the characters. My style was influenced a lot by Inoue Takehiko actually."

Natsume opened his mouth but Yuriko silenced him before he had a chance to say anything. "Yes, yes, you don't know who he is, which is totally shameful by the way. He's a legendary artist." Her eyes were shining with excitement. "And I actually had the chance to _meet_ him at an anime convention a few years ago! Can you believe that?!"

Natsume couldn't help but smile at her enthusiasm. "That's amazing. You spoke to him?"

"Yep. And like any naïve amateur artist, I asked him the question he probably gets a million times: how do you make a good manga? You know what he said?" She paused and Natsume motioned her to continue. "He said the trick is, no matter how ordinary the plot, you have to do one of two things. The first is surprise the reader at every page. Because if the reader knows what is going to happen before they read it, why should they bother reading? The second is to invoke strong emotions, and make the reader identify with the characters. If you have one or both of these, you will have a good manga, regardless of whether it's popular or not. I've really taken his advice to heart."

"You follow his two rules?"

"The second one mainly. I'm not that good at surprises. My readers might not figure everything out, but there will never be earth-shattering revelations. That's just not my style. But the second one, yes. My focus is on the characters."

"Well, I hope you win the competition, Yuriko," Natsume said, smiling and handing her drawing back. She was really giving it everything she had.

Yuriko smiled back at him. She was so happy that Natsume was taking an interest in the manga world, and her work especially. In fact, as an avid manga supporter and aspiring artist herself, it was her duty to capitalize on it and make him into a convert! "Hey, you want to join me when I go to the manga shop after this?" The closest store that had a big collection, called Animate, was slightly far out, but she already knew that he wouldn't refuse.

* * *

Yuriko completed her purchases at the counter and looked around for Natsume. She had been so enraptured by the manga she was reading at the store that she had lost track of him at some point.

Having scanned the remainder of the store, she looked through the glass doors. There he was, standing on the sidewalk! He was talking to someone? But there didn't seem to be anyone around.

Then, she noticed a little brown fox in front of Natsume. Surely a real fox would not be in the city, and more importantly Natsume wouldn't be talking to it. But if it was a spirit, why could Yuriko see it?

The fox ran off as soon as Yuriko approached Natsume, who put a small green bundle quickly into his pocket. He looked incredibly happy, Yuriko noted. Was the fox responsible? Deciding against asking Natsume about it, Yuriko pretended she hadn't seen anything. But she filed the incident away in her brain for future reference. She was mentally collecting a list of things she had to ask Natsume about when he finally told her about his powers.

Natsume gave her a questioning gaze as she handed him a small shopping bag from the store. She said, "It's from me. Open it."

Natsume gaped at the first item. It was a small figurine of a maneki neko that looked remarkably like Nyanko-sensei. Yuriko laughed at Natsume's expression. "When I saw that, I had to buy it, couldn't resist. It's for Nyanko-sensei. Think he'll like it?"

"He'll probably pretend he hates it, but secretly love it. He's such a narcissistic cat after all," Natsume grinned.

Natsume took out the other two remaining items from the bag as Yuriko explained, "The manga is for you." She tapped the manga on top. "That's the first volume of _Fullmetal_ _Alchemist_. It's an absolute classic that I'm sure you'll like! I have never met someone who didn't like the series. The other one is the manga you were looking at earlier, the one about the no-name god who fights spirits."

She panicked a bit when he didn't say anything, but just looked at the manga in his hands. Was she being too pushy about getting him to like manga? "Y-you don't have to like it, you know. I just thought it would be nice to introduce you to the world of manga, since I'm always talking about it. Umm, if you don't like them you can give it to me. I don't own_ Noragami_ in tankobon volumes. As for _Fullmetal_, that's a special anniversary edition I don't own either." Wait, that made it sound like she had ulterior motives. "N-Not that that's why I bought them! I bought them for you! So you don't have to give it to me if you do like them-"

Natsume interrupted her. "Thank you, Yuriko. You picked them out for me after all. I'm sure they're great." He smiled and ruffled her hair, making her blush.

On the bus journey back, Natsume shared some berries with her. They were wrapped in leaves, and Yuriko immediately recognized them as the little bundle he had put in his pocket when she came out of the bookstore. He said they were special berries given to him by a "friend". Yuriko could attest to the fact that their taste was out of this world.

Throughout the journey, Yuriko rambled about manga and the best techniques and artists, but Natsume didn't seem to mind.

* * *

**End Notes:**

Next chapter: Taki and Nishimura visit!

Inoue Takehiko is the manga artist of Slam Dunk and Vagabond. The advice about making a good manga is some of his own advice combined with stuff other manga authors have said. Animate is an actual manga shop, which is about 40 minutes away from Fukuoka University.

The relationship between Yuriko and Tanuma, I imagine to be sort of tense, particularly because of Tanuma's awkward nature. However, it is getting better as they spend more time with one another. There's a slight irony in their relationship in the sense that Yuriko is perhaps a little awed/envious of the fact that Tanuma is so close to Natsume, and possibly even knows his secret. On the other hand, Tanuma, who is very vulnerable about Natsume, feels slightly threatened/awed by Yuriko because she knows Natsume the longest. They both like each other reasonably well though, and despite feeling awkward around each other, want to be better friends, for Natsume's sake at least.

My interpretation of Yuriko's personality: Yuriko is kind of blunt about what she says out loud because she doesn't really think too much before saying them (eg. when she commented on Natsume's hair in the anime). In this story, she can also be oblivious sometimes when she's drawing because she gets sucked into her manga world. Her redeeming quality is that she watches people so much for her artwork that she is intuitive about people's thoughts and feelings. From the episode she was featured in the anime, I also think she is considerate about people. She has a strong sense of fairness and justice, and if she sees something that needs to be fixed (even if it's from her own mistake such as when she made the insensitive comment about Natsume's hair) she will take great pains to correct it.

If you read my story, and liked it, even a little, please take a few minutes to review. I greatly appreciate constructive feedback.


	5. Chapter 5

Author's Note: We've reached about midpoint in the story, so you could say this is the climax (in a way). The real climax is next chapter (potentially). Enjoy!

Thanks so much for all your reviews, Fisca Rinata, zundial, mnxretana, a random person and roserocksrapidly.

* * *

The phone ringtone cut through the silence of the room as Yuriko got up to answer it, slightly startled. She had locked herself up in her room this weekend to put the final touches on her manga, which she had to submit tomorrow. In preparation, she had stocked up on food in her room, so she didn't even have to leave for meals. The sudden human contact was jarring.

She picked up the phone, taken aback at the fact that it was Natsume calling her, "Hey, Takashi-kun. Something wrong? You rarely call." He had an inherent dislike for phones, only calling when it was absolutely necessary. Usually when he needed her for something, he would either find her, or just wait till the next time he saw her.

He sounded startled. "No, no, nothing's wrong really…"

"Then, what's up?"

"Taki and Nishimura are visiting. They came this morning. They wanted to surprise us, I guess."

"Oh, wow! You should have told me sooner!" Yuriko exclaimed. She had heard so much about those two that she had been waiting for a chance to meet them for a while now. But why was Natsume being so weird about it? "That's not what you're calling about is it?"

Natsume hesitated. "The truth is Taki fell into the river when she was walking with Tanuma and me at the riverbank."

"Wait, are you serious?" The river was quite deep, and had strong currents. It had a history of people drowning in it. "She's fine, right? How did something like that even happen?!"

There was a pause. "Uh, the bank was muddy from the rain yesterday," Natsume said slowly. "But I was calling to ask if she could shower at your dorm since it's all guys here." He sounded slightly awkward now. "I don't really have a suitable change of clothes for her either…"

"Yeah, of course! I hope you weren't even thinking of making her shower at the boy's dorm." Yuriko shuddered. "It's full of perverts!"

Natsume sounded relieved. "Thanks a lot, Yuriko, I appreciate it. I didn't want to bother you when you have your submission tomorrow, but I don't know any other girls that well."

Her cheeks colored slightly at the way he phrased that. "Should I go get Taki-san from somewhere?"

His tone was sheepish. "Uhh, about that, I already sent her to your dorm, so she's waiting outside…"

She gave an exaggerated sigh, "So you weren't really asking me."

Natsume stuttered. "Ah, um, I didn't think you'd actually say no! You wouldn't do that. Sorry, Yuriko. I shouldn't have assumed… " He was rambling a little. "I can ask Taki to come back, and um, manage in my dorm somehow. Tanuma and I can guard the bathroom-"

Yuriko burst into a fit of giggles. He was so easy to tease. "I'm just kidding, you idiot, I don't mind helping Taki-san at all. I was desperately in need of a break anyway. I'll talk to you later."

* * *

Yuriko observed the blonde haired girl curiously as she dried her hair. When she had asked Taki about how she had slipped into the river, her response was, if possible, even vaguer than Natsume's. _"I don't really know what happened, honestly. I was so surprised!"_

She thought about the implications of the incident. Clearly, Natsume's vagueness meant that it was something supernatural again. He was good at lying, possibly due to perfecting the art over the years, but Yuriko was always on the watch for these types of things. But Taki also seemed to be hiding something. Then, was it possible that she knew that Natsume could see spirits? What about Tanuma, who had been with them as well? If not his best friend, then he was probably the closest Natsume had to one. Sometimes they seemed to communicate even without speaking, especially when strange things happened to Natsume. If Taki knew, then surely Tanuma was in on it as well?

While she had told herself she would be patient until Natsume told her, she felt a little irritated at the prospect that Taki and Tanuma both knew. Natsume had confided in both of them; she was still in the dark. She shook her head. What was she thinking? These were the friends that supported him throughout high school. Was it surprising that they knew?

"Kyahhh! SO cutee!" Taki suddenly exclaimed. Yuriko blinked. Taki was squeezing her Kappa stuffed toy delightedly. Tanuma had mentioned Taki's weakness for cute things, but it was hilarious seeing it in action.

After Taki recovered from cuteness overload, she happily told Yuriko about how nice it was to see all her friends again. The last time she had seen them was during summer break, which was several months ago now.

"Yeah, I've also been hoping for a chance to meet you and Nishimura-kun," said Yuriko. "I guess I kind of feel like I know you guys already, since I've heard so much about you."

"They talk about us?" Taki asked, smiling.

"Yep. I've heard dozens of stories from Kitamoto about all the times Nishimura-kun's gotten in trouble at school." Yuriko smirked. "Don't tell Nishimura-kun though. They're hilarious, but most of them aren't flattering."

"Hehehe. Sa-" She stumbled here for some odd reason. "N-Nishimura-kun gets in trouble a lot because he blurts out things without thinking."

"We'd probably get along very well then. I've lost track of all the times I've done that!" Yuriko shook her head darkly as she remembered the time she had inadvertently revealed Junko's crush on a boy she liked. It had turned out well, because he liked her also, but her best friend had been furious with her for weeks.

"Any embarrassing stories about me?" Taki's eyes were closed, contentedly resting her head on top of the kappa plushy.

"Well… Tanuma told me how you like cute things, and about your weakness for Nyanko-sensei, despite how ugly he is. That led to the cat scratching Tanuma of course. I swear that cat is so smart."

Taki laughed. "Tanuma-kun likes to tease me a lot."

That didn't surprise Yuriko. While usually reserved, Tanuma lost his shell when he was talking about Taki, much the same way that he was completely relaxed when he was around Natsume. Moreover, since she had gotten to know Tanuma much better over the last month, she had the distinct feeling that… "I'm pretty sure Tanuma likes Taki, but he doesn't fully realize himself."

It was when Taki dropped the Kappa toy and looked stricken that Yuriko realized she had said that out aloud. Mortified, she covered her mouth as Taki stammered, "W-why do you think that, Ogata-san? Did Tanuma-kun say something?"

Yuriko shook her head vehemently, "No, no, absolutely not! He didn't say anything at all. I think I phrased myself badly! I just think he respects you and cares for you a lot!" It was one thing getting in trouble herself, but she didn't want her thoughtlessness to affect Tanuma. Gahhhh, she was so stupid! She could just hear Junko berating her for having such a big mouth. Apparently her bad habit of talking out loud had followed her into college.

When Taki did not speak, Yuriko started to fret. "Taki-san, I said something unnecessary, I'm really sorry. I didn't mean anything by it." But she was confused about why Taki was so upset. She would have expected embarrassment, blushing, perhaps denial, but not the downright dismay that Taki was displaying. She was no expert on romance, but didn't girls normally appreciate it when they were an object of someone's affections, especially someone as decent and good-looking as Tanuma? Wouldn't she be pleased if it was her? She was clumsy and awkward in high school (still was), and as such, she had never been "confessed" to by a guy. That had led to a great deal of insecurity because her friends Junko and Mayuri always seemed to have one guy or the other toiling for their affections. So, what was she missing here? Damn her inquisitive (or 'prying' if you wanted to be blunt) nature. She wanted to know so badly.

When she glanced at Taki, she looked so downcast that Yuriko had to apologize again. "I'm really sorry for making you upset, Taki-san."

Taki shook her head, "It's not your fault, Ogata-san."

"Did something happen between you and Tanuma?" She hoped she wasn't pushing Taki's boundaries too much.

Taki was silent for a few moments. Then, so quietly that Yuriko almost didn't catch it, she said, "Not exactly… The truth is that I'm dating Nishimura-kun right now."

"W-What? You're dating Nishimura-kun?" Yuriko repeated. She hadn't misheard had she? But something clicked. Earlier, Taki had stumbled over Nishimura's name, and it had almost sounded like she was about to call him something else. Yuriko couldn't recall exactly, but Nishimura's first name was Satoshi or Satoru or something like that, wasn't it? No-one else in their group addressed him as such, so perhaps Taki had stopped herself so as not to be conspicuous. She also had another vague memory of Kitamoto mentioning that Nishimura had a crush on Taki in high school. He had been laughing about it but perhaps there had been more to the story…

But even so, Taki's revelation completely threw her off. She was sure that the rest of the gang had no idea either, which was incredibly strange. Yuriko earnestly grasped Taki's hands. "Taki-san, this might be a selfish request, but please tell me how you started dating. I would love to hear about it. I just… can't believe that the others don't know about this. Why don't they know? What happened?"

Taki didn't resist. She said that part of the reason they had come down was to tell everyone any way, and that Nishimura had probably told the guys by now.

* * *

According to Taki, during their final year of high school, Nishimura asked her out, but she turned him down because she didn't see him that way. She kept it to herself because she didn't want to embarrass Nishimura. Grateful, he kept quiet about it as well. The others never suspected anything because, while Nishimura had a crush on Taki for the longest time, they had thought it was just one of his passing fancies. He had numerous crushes after all. Everyone had been busy with studying for college entrance exams at that time, so it wasn't that hard to hide. The months passed, and after a time, it was almost like nothing had happened.

But then, by a strange work of fate Taki and Nishimura both ended up at Kyushu University. It wasn't that Nishimura _planned _to be in the same university as Taki. Kyudai was one of the National Seven Japanese Universities, the best and the most selective. You didn't plan to go there, you either made it or you didn't. He had just been very serious about attending a top college and had worked his butt off for it. From bits of information she had gathered before from Kitamoto, and from what Taki said, Yuriko pieced together that Nishimura's family was a very high achieving one, and that a lot of pressure was put on him to get into a top college. Unlike Taki, who was a star student, Nishimura was mostly mediocre in in his studies. However, he started attending cram school for college exams from Year 1 of high school, and by Year 3, was taking about twice the amount of cram school classes as most other people in their class. Cram school was expensive, so in their rural town, a lot of people didn't even attend. In the city, people had the attitude that your future was doomed unless you attended a good college, but there was no such pressure in their town. However, Nishimura's family spared no expense.

"He was so nice to me even after I rejected him, Ogata-san. I felt horrible. So I decided to give him a chance, and we have been dating since then." She smiled, "I don't regret my decision at all."

Yuriko smiled at Taki. She was trying to be happy for her, but she felt her heart-breaking for her other friend. The more she thought about it, the more she was convinced that Tanuma had feelings for her. And he hadn't even known until today that she was dating someone else. "How come you guys didn't tell the others?"

Taki blushed cutely. "Ah, we wanted to tell them in person. We started dating a few weeks after summer break, and we haven't seen them since."

"And none of them have a clue! What a load of dense idiots." Yuriko pushed her glasses up exasperatedly.

The other girl laughed. "Well, none of them have much dating experience. The sum total of their experience is two weeks, and that's all Kitamoto-kun."

They spent almost an hour laughing and talking after that, until it was time for Taki to meet back with Nishimura and take the train.

"Taki-san, I'm so sorry for bringing up Tanuma like that earlier. It was tactless of me," Yuriko said as they walked out of her dorm. "Please forgive me." She bowed her head.

Taki shook her head. "No, I'm really glad you did. Tanuma-kun is an important friend, and I don't want to say anything insensitive around him." She paused. "The truth is that, I liked Tanuma-kun for a bit too in high school, but I didn't think he reciprocated my feelings. Then, when Nishimura-kun asked me out, my guilt at rejecting him drove all those feelings out. But I'm glad you told me… even though I am happy now, it gives me some sort of closure."

This was too sad. "I was exaggerating anyways. Tanuma-kun holds you in high regard, but that doesn't mean he has romantic feelings for you necessarily," she lied.

"Thank you, Ogata-san," said Taki, smiling.

Yuriko clasped Taki's hands briefly, also smiling. "Please call me Yuriko, Taki-san. All my friends do." She really liked Taki. She was so open, honest, and easy to talk to. It was a refreshing change from the rest of the group.

Having joined the others now, Yuriko looked around, "Where's Takashi-kun?"

Tanuma scratched his head, "He had to rush off suddenly, didn't say why. Taki, he apologized for not seeing you off but said he was going to visit you guys sometime soon." Yuriko did not miss the meaningful look Tanuma sent Taki. Something supernatural again?

Taki nodded, "Oh it's okay, I understand."

Tanuma flinched as Nishimura took Taki's hand cheerfully, "Let's head to the train station?" Taki looked uncomfortable but nodded.

Oblivious, Nishimura released Taki and turned to her, "I'm sorry we didn't get a chance to properly get to know each other, Ogata-san." He winked and whispered in her ear. "But take care of your Takashi-kun for us, okay?"

Red as a tomato, Yuriko watched Taki and Nishimura, with Kitamoto accompanying them, walk away. Nishimura was some character all right. Then she noticed the expression on Tanuma's face.

She slung an arm around her friend's shoulders, "I'm sorry, Tanuma."

Tanuma feigned ignorance, "For?"

"You're a great guy, and she might not be the one for you, but I'm sure things will work out for you eventually."

Tanuma sighed and looked straight ahead at their retreating backs, "He realized he liked her before me, and acted on it. That means he liked her that much more. What matters to me is that they are both happy."

Yuriko pumped him on the back. "That's the spirit! You wanna get something to eat?"

His face broke into a small smile, "Sure."

While it didn't matter anymore, if either Taki or Tanuma had been more forthcoming about their feelings in high school, things might be different now. Well, things didn't always play out the way you wanted them to. Life took its twists and turns. However, Yuriko refused to let a similar scenario occur for her, because she was not one to live in regret.

She was hopelessly in love with Natsume Takashi, the mysterious sandy-haired boy from her youth and the smiling, enigmatic young man he had turned out to be. There was no denying it now. Whether he accepted it or not, for better or for worse, she would tell him.

* * *

Natsume was surprised when Yuriko showed up at his dorm room the next evening.

He walked back immediately to his desk, "Sorry, Yuriko. I have to finish this assignment first. I've had the most annoying luck yesterday and today. It was nice to have Taki and Nishimura over, but since then I've had every interruption possible. I'm tired, irritable, have three things due tomorrow, and really just want to be left alone."

Yuriko's eyes were wide, and Natsume realized how he had sounded. He deflated, "I'm sorry, none of that was directed at you. Will you give me about twenty minutes to finish this and then we'll talk? It will take me longer if I get distracted in between."

She nodded and took a seat on the corner at the other end of the room, resting against the wall, "Take your time."

It wasn't that he was intentionally trying to be unkind to Yuriko, it was just one of those days that he cursed the fact that he had spiritual powers. The rather powerful river youkai that had caused Taki to fall into the water yesterday had hounded him at work today. It caused the library to have a power outage, which in turn made the book tagging system malfunction. He had to deal with the youkai _and_ work extra hours because of the emergency, but even after he got home, he had not gotten a reprieve. He was forced to return names, because about a dozen fledgling youkai searching for him had finally located his college dorm. He found them waiting in his room when he returned, with his useless cat bodyguard nowhere in sight. He would really need to get better at creating seals to prevent entry to his room. As evidenced by the failure today, seals weren't Nyanko-sensei's strong point. Perhaps he would get some more instructions on them from Hiiragi and Natori. It wasn't that he minded returning names. He just preferred to be able to control when he did it. Plus, some youkai were incredibly pushy. He was so incredibly tired…

A few minutes later, Natsume thought about how selfish he was being to Yuriko. She had been busy too. "You submitted your one-shot right? So you're not in a hurry?"

"Right." She didn't seem to be drawing, but she was observing him in the way that she usually did when she was using people as a muse. She had been fascinated by Tanuma lately, to his friend's great discomfort. Natsume was uncomfortable too in the beginning, but he had resigned himself to it by now. He supposed it was gratifying in its own way.

"Do you want something to draw on to pass the time?"

"I have my sketchbook with me, so don't worry. You're wasting time, finish your work. Where's Nyanko-sensei, by the way?"

Natsume sighed. "That idiot cat probably went out drin- I mean, he went out." He forgot that she didn't know the truth about Nyanko-sensei sometimes.

But by the time he had finished his work, and looked back at Yuriko, she had fallen asleep with her head leaning against the wall, her sketchbook in front of her.

He sighed as he went to her. He noticed dark circles around her eyes, and the haggardness of her face. She must have been up late putting finishing touches on her manga, perhaps even pulled an all-nighter, which she had mentioned she might need to do. Why had he ignored her in favor of his homework? Weren't his friends far more important that his grades? Guilt gripped him.

With her glasses askew, her reddish brown curls splayed across her face, and drool coming out of her mouth, she looked adorably hapless. While she seemed to have fallen asleep before drawing anything, she had a pencil in her right hand. She was naturally left-handed but ambidextrous by practice. When he had asked about it once, she had told him that she learned to draw with both hands because she hated waiting for the page to dry to prevent smudges when using ink. It was simpler to work on another page while waiting for one side of the page to dry, but she had hated doing that, so she used both hands instead. Yuriko had explained that the characters got angry at her if she left them half-done, to Natsume's great amusement. But he had to admire her single-mindedness and drive when it came to her dream.

When he waved a hand in front of her face she didn't stir, and he didn't have the heart to wake her up. His stamina and strength were terrible, and he was incredibly tired today, but he could carry her back to her dorm. She deserved that much at least.

He tried to take the least populated routes as he carried her to the girl's dorm. While he could handle stares, whispers and rumors, because he had been for all his life, he didn't want that for Yuriko. Guys were technically not allowed at the girl's dorms late at night, but he had Yuriko's access cards, and he was pretty good at being stealthy. Upon reaching her room, he fished her key out of her pocket without dwelling too much on how intimate the situation was. Should he be glad or sorry that she was such a heavy sleeper?

He turned the bedside lamp on (her room wasn't in the best state today and he didn't want to trip) and tucked her in. As he took her glasses out of his pockets to carefully place them at her desk, his feet rustled against something on the ground.

He picked the piece of paper up and glanced at it briefly. In the center, there was a doodle of a boy that resembled Tanuma. Surrounding the image were scribbles of a story outline that made him raise his eyebrows. It said stuff like "upset with rejection from girl of dreams" and, "heartbroken moron travels for a few months", "comedic accounts of journey", "becomes artist". Embarrassed that he was imposing on Yuriko's privacy, he was about to place the paper on Yuriko's desk when a small note in the corner of the paper caught his eye. It said:

_Story inspired by Tanuma (and myself somewhat). I love Takashi so much. I need to find the courage to tell him._

Takashi meant… himself? His blood went cold.

* * *

Reviews greatly appreciated! This was a hard chapter to write, and I'm not sure if I portrayed Taki, Tanuma and Nishimura right, so please let me know your thoughts!

I did not mean for Tanuma to get heart-broken, I love him too much as a character to want that. But that part kind of wrote itself. It was an interesting dynamic to explore. In canon, on one hand, we have Nishimura who has always been crushing on Taki in a non-serious way. At least, it seems not serious, but that might just be Nishimura's personality. On the other hand, there's the camaraderie between Taki and Tanuma, who understand each other very well, because they have the shared goal of helping Natsume in any way they can. I was surprised at how quickly he got comfortable with her in canon, even teasing her about Nyanko-sensei, considering his awkwardness and what a slow process it was with Natsume. I hope I was able to capture those things.

I'm probably going to write a Nishimura side-story sometime. He is an interesting character to explore. You'd think he doesn't have that much depth, but really he does (eg. the side manga chapter about his first encounters with Natsume).


	6. Chapter 6

Sorry for the long wait! Here is the next chapter! This week we take a break from the regular story, and go back to a particular incident from Natsume's high school days. I know I ended on a slightly cliffhanger-y note the last time, so you have to wait a little bit longer for that (sorry!).

Thanks for the amazing reviews last chapter, AkabaneKazama, zundial, roserocksrapidly, don redmond, Wrightless, and the two guests! They helped me a lot with figuring out what things went well, didn't go well, and I really enjoyed reading them. Please remember to log in if you ever want a review response from me (because I can't otherwise!).

* * *

**A year ago, November 20xx, final year of high school**

The wind rustled in his hair as Natsume walked through the forest, the dry autumn leaves crunching under his feet. He was taking a longer path home that day, partly because it was a gorgeous afternoon out, but also because he wanted to take the time to clear his head.

He had been rather preoccupied of late, with the same recurring dream plaguing him every night. He always woke up with a sick, empty feeling at the pit of his stomach that made him want to throw up. The first night, he felt so terrible that he thought he was cursed, but Nyanko-sensei had been unconcerned. He continued to have the dreams periodically in the nights that followed, but the nausea eventually subsided. This week though, the dreams had suddenly intensified, with the queasiness back full force. Last night in particular had been hell, and he had barely gotten any sleep.

He was no stranger to dreams. Whenever he was troubled about something, regardless of what it was, he would have nightmares about his childhood days. These left him with a feeling of hopelessness when he woke up, but it would dissipate as soon as he heard the familiar sound of Nyanko-sensei's heavy breathing beside him. Then there were the other types of dreams, visions from youkai that he was in contact with. While these dreams were full of regret and things left unfinished, he was always the observer in these visions. It gave him the desire to help the youkai in any way he could, but at the same time, he had the benefit of knowing that it wasn't his own memories he was seeing. However, his recent dreams were different. Although in some ways they were like the youkai visions, at the same time they felt like his own memories. Whichever the case though, he would wake up weeping and desperate.

The dreams were about his grandmother. In them, he would try to talk to her, say many things, but she would never respond to him, no matter how desperately he tried. Sometimes it would seem like she heard him but chose to ignore it. Other times it was like he was not there at all. But she never said a word. It was cruel punishment, and it felt so real that each time when he woke up, he felt a crushing loneliness. To make things worse, Nyanko-sensei had been frequently gone from home the last few nights. That in itself perhaps wasn't particularly unusual, but it did nothing to ease Natsume's mind.

The dreams had started the day he found a small jade stone tucked away in the box of his grandmother's things. The fact that it was connected to his visions in some way was a forgone conclusion. And yet, Nyanko-sensei had been able to uncover nothing from it.

Natsume sighed and started walking faster. His walk had done nothing to cease his inner turmoil. If anything, it had only worsened it. Maybe it was time to go home and distract himself by some other method. Perhaps he could read that novel that Nishimura had forced on him today.

The afternoon sunlight felt good on his face as Natsume emerged into a clearing from his path in the forest. Then he stopped dead in his tracks. Sitting in a circle in the middle of the clearing were the two mid-rankers, laughing and joking around with some youkai he could identify but not name, and also with…

"Sensei. You're drinking already? Seriously?" He glanced at his watch, which was a birthday present from the Fujiwaras. "It's barely even five!" He felt incredibly irritated at his wayward bodyguard, far more than this simple drinking excursion would warrant. If he was just wasting time drinking all day any way, why couldn't he come home earlier for once, especially when he knew about Natsume's recurring dreams? Natsume wouldn't admit it out loud, but the cat spirit's presence made his nightmares far more bearable.

"Hmph, shut up, Natsume! If you have time to complain get me some manjuuu…. Manjuuu…" Nyanko-sensei burst into giggles on the grassy floor.

Both of the mid-rankers put their arms around Natsume. "Awww, Natsume-sama. Don't be so uptight," said the one-eyed mid-ranker, pushing a sake cup to his mouth. "You have a drink too. You'll feel sooooooo much better."

Natsume shoved them away. "I'm still underage!" Under his breath he muttered darkly, "Honestly, dealing with you drunk lot has made alcohol completely lose its appeal for me."

The distinct smell of tobacco smoke wafted past his nostrils as another pair of arms wrapped around him, but this time accompanied by a feminine touch, "My, how sinister."

"Hinoe…" He blushed as she stroked his cheek.

"You're becoming more handsome day by day, Natsume," Hinoe cooed. "Ah, if only you were a woman instead of a man! I could see you even surpassing Reiko's beauty!"

Natsume turned red and mumbled, "I am clearly a guy." Hinoe really knew how to get under his skin. In middle school, he had been teased for being weak and feminine. Over the years, he had tried to use tougher, masculine language by copying Nishimura and Kitamoto, although he was still pretty feminine by their standards… Hinoe, of course, didn't know any of this, but it still bothered him.

Hinoe was smirking. "Well, a poor substitute for Reiko you might be, but you do just fine." And then to embarrass him even further, she kissed the corner of his mouth.

Natsume jumped away, dumbfounded, and touched his mouth. Did that really just happen? "H-Hinoe, are you drunk today too!?"

She laughed in her characteristic way. "I do not need alcohol to lose my inhibitions, child. It was just the perfect day to tease you."

"P-Please don't do that again!" Even if it was Hinoe, and even if her cool touch had felt kind of nice, he did not like being touched without his consent, and certainly not intimately. He sat down with his back against a tree trunk.

Well. He had certainly gotten the distraction he had wanted. Hinoe certainly knew how to flirt, which was interesting considering how little youkai concerned themselves with gender differences. Somewhat contradictorily, she also hated human men. He wondered what had caused that.

Natsume looked at Hinoe warily as she started giggling again beside him. "What is it now?"

Between giggles, she managed, "My lipstick! Your face!"

Comprehension dawned on him instantly as he blushed furiously once again, and hastily wiped the corner of his mouth. He was so embarrassed…

The sky eventually began to darken, as Natsume settled comfortably under the tree, with Hinoe still beside him. He absentmindedly watched Nyanko-sensei chase the ox-youkai, who had apparently captured the last sake bottle.

His thoughts drifted back to his grandmother. He had redoubled his efforts to find out more about Reiko, in hopes of solving the mystery of the dreams, but he had barely made any progress. Even before the dreams had started, he was always on the lookout for more information about his mother's side of the family. But the only lead he'd had was when he met the dragon shiki of the deceased exorcist Hakozaki-san. That had happened over a year ago now, and it had led nowhere.

He looked contemplatively at Hinoe, who was quietly smoking her pipe beside him. When he met Hinoe, she wasn't even aware of Reiko's death, but was it possible that she knew something that could help him interpret his dream?

He asked, "Hinoe, will you tell me more about Reiko-san?"

"Oh? I've told you about most of my encounters with her already. Of course, I'm always happy to talk about her..." Her voice took on that dreamy quality it always did when she spoke of his grandmother.

"I wanted to know about her later years, especially. Do you know anything about my grandfather?"

Natsume felt the temperature around Hinoe drop instantly when he mentioned the word 'grandfather', but he continued hastily. "I know you lost touch with her many years before her death, but I thought that perhaps you might know. Especially because, well, I think she had more youkai allies than human friends."

Hinoe shrugged coolly. "I can't help you there. I don't know anything about that man."

He insisted, "But after you met me and learned about her death, didn't you do a lot of digging around to find out what had happened? You must have learned something." Why was it that no-one knew anything?

"You dug around too, didn't you? What did you find?" She turned his question on him.

"I can't find anything at all, which is what is so strange. What I learned from my relatives is worth dirt because it's all gossip. It didn't seem like they were very fond of her." They disliked her just for being different, he thought darkly. And later, they looked down on her because she wasn't married when she had his mother. Why were people so judgmental?

"What about from youkai?" Hinoe asked, her tone softer now.

He shook his head. "Nothing there either. I had one lead from an exorcist's shiki once. He told me I looked like a man he knew, but he disappeared before I could question him further. Do you know if my grandfather had spiritual powers?"

Hinoe hesitated a fraction of a second before saying, "I believe he was from one of the dying spiritual families, so he may have had some knowledge."

Natsume's eyes widened at that revelation. Why had he never thought to question Hinoe before? "Who is the source of this information? Can I speak to them?"

"Ask him yourself." She nodded in the direction of a particular youkai in the clearing.

"You can't possibly mean…"

"I do."

"But I've asked him so many times! He's always said that he knows nothing because he was sealed almost two decades before Reiko's death!"

"Oh he knows. He may not know about the exact circumstances of her death, but he knows almost everything else. Who do you think I got my information about Reiko from?"

"Why would he hide it from me?"

"Madara has his reasons. Ask him yourself."

Natsume held his head in his hands. "He is stubborn. If he makes up his mind about something, he sticks with it. If he hasn't told me all this time, he's not going to now."

"He told me in confidence. I am not going to break my word. If you want to know you have to convince him to tell you." Apparently Nyanko-sensei wasn't the only stubborn one.

"Fine…" he said, exasperated. She was his grandmother, and his only link to his powers. Surely he deserved to know? What was with all the secrecy? It angered him that Nyanko-sensei had been lying to him about Reiko, especially when he had labored so hard to search for details about her.

"I'm sure you can convince him somehow." She gave him a small smile, and patted his head.

A lump formed in Natsume's throat. Why was it that her smile looked so sad?

* * *

Natsume had decided not to confront Nyanko-sensei until they were home, but he broke down mid-way on their way back. He had gotten the cat some buns from Nanatsuji, and that had mostly sobered him up.

Looking at him directly, he said, "Sensei. You knew who my grandfather was, right? Why did you keep it a secret from me all this time?" His calm tone belied how upset he was in reality.

The cat didn't even blink, "What are you talking about, you stupid idiot? I don't know where you got that ridiculous idea from." He plopped down from his arms, and kept walking at a brisk pace in front of him.

Natsume ran to catch the cat before he could escape. "Sensei, I beg you, please tell me what you know. Please understand how important this is to me…"

"Tch." The cold fury in Nyanko-sensei's eyes was something that Natsume saw rarely. "I knew telling that hag was a mistake."

He didn't understand. He didn't understand at all. "I am Reiko-san last living relative. She is my only connection to the spiritual world. How could telling me possibly be a mistake? I think I deserve to know, sensei."

The weight in his arms suddenly disappeared as Natsume's world dissolved in smoke. Madara's voice roared at him, "There are some things best left in the past! Do you understand that, Natsume?"

Natsume faced Madara's rage before, but it had never been directed at him. Rather, it was usually for his behalf when his life was in mortal danger. But Natsume would stand his ground. "Sensei… the dreams I've been having, they're getting worse every night. I don't know how long I can take it. Until I know, it's going to drive me crazy."

"Youkai prey on weak hearts. Reiko had a heart of iron, but you are weak and soft. Everything affects you. Do you really think you can handle it, when it was something that nearly destroyed Reiko herself?" His tone was disdainful.

"Even if I can't handle it, I still need to know, Sensei," Natsume said without hesitation. "And I don't need to worry about youkai coming after me." He smiled. "I have you to protect me after all."

"Fine." Madara said quietly. "Don't regret it."

* * *

Nyanko-sensei told him after dinner, once they were back in his room. In the end, Natsume began to think that perhaps he would have been better off not knowing after all…

In Reiko's final year of high school, a boy from a neighboring town took notice of her. He brought her buns from Nanatsuji, and constantly worried about her when he saw her climbing trees or doing something dangerous. Reiko pretended he was a nuisance most of the time, but she was so starved from human contact at that time, that she actually grew quite attached to him. He began to visit more and more frequently as time passed. He couldn't see spirits himself, but he was from a weaker exorcist clan, so he had probably recognized Reiko for what she was from the beginning.

Kiyoshi proposed to her after high school graduation, but she refused. While she trusted him, she had a great mistrust and dislike for exorcist families. She was afraid that if she married into an exorcist clan, they would try to use her powers. Nevertheless, Kiyoshi continued to see each her.

"He was pretty easy to take advantage of," said Nyanko-sensei. "He was like you in that regard, but that made him perfect for a bossy person like Reiko. Because he was such a wimp, she could do what she wanted with him." Natsume smiled. It had sounded like his grandmother was happy, if only for a brief period.

"When Reiko was about twenty-four, I sensed her powers suddenly grow in potency, and it grew day by day. I had only heard rumors of this phenomenon before, but being with child can enhance spiritual power in humans."

"My mother…" Natsume muttered. He wondered what it was like for Reiko, who had been shunned by human society, to be with a child? Did she see her child as a lifelong companion, or was it only a burden? "When she found out… how did she take it?"

"For someone like Reiko, who always knew what to do, it was probably the first time she was at a loss. Even then she barely displayed any emotion, but I could sense her vulnerability."

"And Kiyoshi-san?"

"He didn't know. About the time that she found out about the child, Kiyoshi's family was pushing him to marry someone as soon as possible. Reiko still would not agree. When Kiyoshi refused to give up, she said some things to him that she probably regretted. They parted on bad terms."

Natsume sighed as Nyanko-sensei paused and looked at him. _Oh, Reiko-san… How I wish I could have been there for you. _It had taken him so long to learn not to push people away. Even now it was difficult. But had it not been for the kindness of the people he had met, he might have never known how to try.

Nyanko-sensei told him flatly as if sensing his thoughts, "I've told you multiple times that Reiko is not like you. She was stronger than you, but she was also a coward. When things got tough, she always ran away." Natsume could not disagree. He had seen it himself many times in youkai memories about Reiko. He remembered the incident with Shigeru-san from her high school days. She had clearly liked him, but had started avoiding him to avoid trouble. But hadn't Natsume been the same way?

He knew, though, that things wouldn't end up as well for his grandmother as it did for him, "But it gets worse, doesn't it?"

"Unfortunately yes," Nyanko-sensei sighed.

Natsume swallowed the lump in his throat as he heard the rest of the story. It seemed that while Reiko had made youkai enemies before, her enhanced powers made her an even more attractive target. There was one particular flesh-eating demon youkai named Hitokuchi that was obsessed with her. The demon had enslaved and oppressed some weaker forest-dwelling youkai for centuries. Reiko took pity on them when she stumbled upon them in the forest one day and freed them. Hitokuchi was furious, but was smart enough to realize that he could not defeat Reiko. Instead, for several years, he kept consuming humans and spirits to increase his power, and bid his time. After all, the best revenge is served cold.

When Reiko became pregnant, he noticed Reiko's shift in power immediately, and realized how vulnerable she was at that point. Eating Reiko right away would be no fun, so instead, he decided to locate her lover.

Natsume covered his face with his hands. He knew what happened next. "The demon… he ate Kiyoshi-san, didn't he?"

"Yes."

"Did Reiko-san have a chance to speak to him before he died?"

"No. Hitokuchi was too smart for that. He went to him first. We had no idea. " So she didn't even have the chance to fix things with him, or say goodbye.

"That vile demon brought Kiyoshi's head to taunt Reiko, and Reiko completely lost it. She released so much spiritual power that I was knocked out in the process. When I woke up, the demon was dead in front of me, half of the house had been destroyed, and Reiko had disappeared. "

"Where did she go?"

There was a pause. "I don't know. I didn't see her after that."

Natsume's brow furrowed. Although never explicitly stated, he had always been under the impression that Nyanko-sensei was sealed by his grandmother due to some grievance between them. Was he mistaken? "But she was the one who sealed you, right? When did that happen?"

"How I was sealed is none of your business, Natsume," he snapped. He sounded angry, but Natsume could sense his grief.

Natsume bent down to pat the cat's head. But the moment his fingers contacted with his fur, however, he saw a brief flash. An all-too-familiar nausea began to permeate Natsume's senses…

And suddenly, the dreams about his grandmother made perfect sense. They were Nyanko-sensei's memories, seen through the spirit's eyes. Natsume closed his eyes and let the memories overtake his mind's eye…

.

.

.

_Reiko walked down a path holding a shopping bag, the bump in her stomach clearly visible under her summer dress. Madara hovered over her. "I finally found you after months of searching. Are you really going to ignore me? Ridiculous. Absolutely ridiculous." He was livid. Reiko kept walking and did not look back. _

_._

_._

_._

"_You don't even have any human friends. Do you really plan to raise your child in isolation from both humans and youkai? Your actions make no sense. Even youkai go mad in isolation." Only silence greeted him as Reiko entered a building._

_._

_._

_._

_The bump had become considerably larger. "Do you think if you ignore youkai long enough, they will mistake you for a regular human and leave you alone?" He scoffed. "Don't make me laugh. Your spiritual powers are so strong you could easily pass off as a spirit." His tone became bitter. "No wonder humans are repelled by you."_

_._

_._

_._

"_If you won't let me watch over your child, at least let me see her once." His voice had lost the anger and bitterness. He sounded defeated. "It's absurd to think that I can't enter your home when I was the one who taught you those seals in the first place." For the briefest of seconds, Reiko looked at him, as if about to finally break her silence. But the moment passed, and Madara looked desperate._

_._

_._

_._

_The scene changed again, and this time Natsume recognized the shrine that Reiko was praying at. A man emerged from the trees. He strangely resembled Natsume, except he had dark, cropped hair, and a longer face._

_When Reiko spotted the man, Natsume saw her usual smiling façade slip for the first time. She gasped as tears began to stream down her face. The man smiled at her and touched her cheek. Reiko's expression instantaneously changed to one of fury, "MADARA! How dare you impersonate him?!" She took out a small jade stone from her pocket which shone with a bright white light-_

_._

_._

_._

Natsume squeezed Nyanko-sensei to his chest and wept. He wept for Reiko-san, for Kiyoshi-san, for Nyanko-sensei, and for himself.

* * *

He was in his futon with the familiar weight of Nyanko-sensei on top of his blanket, physically and emotionally exhausted, and almost asleep, when he realized that there was something that had to be said.

"Sensei? Are you awake?"

"What is it?"

He smiled and stroked his fur. "Thank you for guiding me, and protecting me for these past few years. The Fujiwaras taught me kindness, but you taught me how to understand the spiritual world. Without you, I don't think I would be able to embrace both the human world and the spiritual world so fully. I am so glad to have you in my life…" He paused. "I hope we can be together for many more years to come."

Nyanko-sensei scoffed. "Stop being so creepy, you dimwit. I am not here for you. I'm only after the Book of Friends. I'm just watching over you so no one else can claim it. Plus, you are my food."

Natsume laughed. He had been worried that things would be awkward between them after the revelations of tonight. But it seemed like he was worried over nothing.

His grandmother had suffered a lot, but he was not his grandmother. He was not that great at relationships either, but he would take things one step at a time.

* * *

**Notes:**

I am sure that by the time Natsume went to college, he would have discovered more of his grandmother's past, and I feel that would play a big role on his outlook on relationships. This chapter was a result of that.

While Nyanko-sensei never divulges that much information about Reiko to Natsume, I've always felt that he knows more than he lets on. I think Midorikawa-sensei is probably withholding what his relationship was like with Reiko until the right moment, because it's obvious that he must have been quite attached to her/close to her. For example, when Hinoe first spots Madara in his (miniature) cat form, she laughs and says, something like "Madara, you would go so far to make Reiko love you?" That set me thinking about what lengths he would actually go for her?

I don't think it's revealed in canon who actually sealed Madara (he was pretty cagey about that as well). I assume it has to be someone incredibly powerful, since the only people he has had trouble with are the two Natsumes and deities. So it's possible that it was Reiko herself.

Onihitokuchi is a demon in Japanese folklore that eats and kills humans. I cut off the "Oni" since I was referring to it as a demon anyway.

Next time we will go back to Natsume's college life, and the aftermath of his discovery :P. Sorry to make you wait so long for that!


	7. Chapter 7

Happy Holidays everyone! Here is the next chapter! It's finally back to the aftermath of Natsume's discovery after the slight cliffhanger-y end from Chapter 5.

Thanks for the amazing reviews as usual **Wrightless**, **Biribirichan**, **roserocksrapidly**, **Zundial** and **a random person**. I loved reading all of them! I'm glad you weren't too upset that I deviated from Natsume's college life a little bit. Also a shoutout to Zundial for leaving me such detailed reviews! :)

* * *

Emerging out into the courtyard from the library to get a breath of fresh air, Tanuma yelped ungracefully as a hand suddenly grabbed his shoulder from behind.

"Yuriko?! What are you doing, sneaking behind me like that?"

"Hehehehe. Tanuma, I'm so happy to see you!" She was positively beaming, and bouncing lightly on the toes of her feet.

"… Why?" Tanuma looked at Yuriko suspiciously. This couldn't be anything good. She was only ever this excited when it was something involving manga.

"I just got a phone call from LaLa DX. Andddd…. Guess what?"

Tanuma had no idea what LaLa DX was, but it sounded familiar, and he could take a guess. "You won the one-shot competition?"

Yuriko's face fell a little, but brightened up again immediately. "Close but not quite. I'm in the Top 5! They haven't chosen the winner yet, because Kirigaya-san is the one who decides who gets to be her assistant for six months."

"Wait a second. Six months? What about university?"

Yuriko pushed her glasses up. "We'll cross that bridge when we get to it. I haven't even won yet. You're such a spoilsport, Tanuma!" She punched his arm lightly.

He smiled. "Sorry."

Yuriko had apparently come to the library to study before she received the phone call from the magazine company. But she was too excited to study now, so she was going to go have lunch at her favorite udon place. Tanuma thought ruefully that Yuriko never ran out of excuses to delay schoolwork. Of course, she always tried to rope in her friends too. In the end, Tanuma found himself going back in to the library to check if Natsume wanted to join the two of them for lunch. Natsume typically worked at the library on Sundays till noon.

Making sure that the senior librarian (Natsume's supervisor, and a rather strict, efficient lady) wasn't around, Tanuma ignored the "Employees only" sign behind the circulation desk, and went around to a back shelf where Natsume was reordering books. Normally, he wouldn't be so bold, but he had developed this habit from Yuriko, who did it regularly. Really, that girl had a tendency to ignore rules when it suited her.

Natsume looked up at their approach. "Hey, Natsume." Tanuma said without preamble. "Want to go eat lunch with Yuriko and me?"

Natsume smiled at them but shook his head, "Sorry, I can't. I'm working a longer shift today."

Slightly disappointed, Tanuma smiled back, "No problem. Catch up with us later then."

Natsume waved at them as they circled back past the circulation desk. Tanuma stopped briefly when he saw Yuriko looking intently at something in the corner. It was a whiteboard listed with the library's weekly employee shift times. Curiously, it showed that Natsume had a break starting at noon today and did not work again till five in the afternoon. Tanuma checked the clock. 12.20 pm.

Tanuma came to the conclusion that Natsume's supervisor was not as efficient as she looked. Why else was the whiteboard outdated?

He briefly glanced at Yuriko. Her face was impassive, but he got the feeling that she was upset. Did Yuriko think that Natsume was lying to them about his shift?

But he had absolutely no reason to do that. So why would he?

Tanuma left the library feeling perplexed.

* * *

Tanuma barely saw Natsume in the weeks before winter break, which was unusual considering how often they saw each other on a typical week. While he didn't notice as much at the beginning, it quickly started to bother him.

He couldn't attribute it to Natsume being busy with schoolwork. After all, he always saw him the most when school was busy, because they studied together. Hence, Tanuma assumed that Natsume's unusual behavior was youkai-related. Still, the strange thing was that, over the years, Tanuma had become quite perceptive at sensing when youkai were causing Natsume trouble and he had not detected any of the usual signs.

At a loss, Tanuma decided to corner Natsume and ask him directly when he noticed something else.

Natsume was across the hall from him in the library, working at the circulation desk again. Something about him was different, but Tanuma couldn't pinpoint it. It nagged at him. What was it?

"I guess Natsume is rather beautiful to look at, eh, Tanuma?" the smirking face of Kitamoto observed Tanuma from across the table. "I guess now that he works at the library, it makes it easy to admire him."

Tanuma blushed. "W-what, no! I wasn't admiring him!" Kitamoto's smirk merely widened at how flustered Tanuma was. Composing himself, he said, "Doesn't he look different today?"

Kitamoto said nonchalantly, "Oh yeah, he got a new haircut. It looks fine. Maybe a little sloppy." He turned his smirk to Yuriko, who was sitting beside Tanuma. "Losing your touch there, Ogata?"

Tanuma expected a snappy comeback from Yuriko. To his surprise, she merely shrugged and said, "Nice try, but I didn't cut it this time."

She didn't? But she always cut Natsume's hair. "Why didn't you?" Tanuma asked curiously.

Yuriko shrugged again and went back to working. "He's busy I guess."

Tanuma thought that didn't make any sense at all. If Natsume was indeed that occupied (with schoolwork or his job, whichever) wouldn't it be faster to allow Yuriko to cut it rather than struggling with it himself? Or maybe wait a week or two to cut it? Having longer hair was hardly a big deal.

A thought occurred to him suddenly. Was Natsume purposefully avoiding his friends for some reason?

Why would he do that?

* * *

He finally caught up with Natsume one evening. He was sitting quietly by himself at the roof of their dorm, watching the sun slowly go down.

Tanuma looked around the roof. The roof itself was pretty bare, save for some water tanks, but the view from the 16th floor was breathtaking. The dying sun coated the surroundings with an ethereal golden hue. It was chilly outside, but not unpleasant.

"Wow, I didn't know you could come up here. For some reason I always thought it was locked."

Natsume looked sheepish. "Um, it _is_ usually locked. How I ended up here is a long story."

Tanuma smiled. "I have time if you want to tell me."

As Tanuma sat down beside Natsume, a dull pain shot through his skull briefly. He resisted the urge to touch the side of his head. The pain was already subsiding and he didn't want to alarm Natsume. "Natsume, there's a spirit near you, isn't there?" Tanuma could vaguely see a small shadow.

"I'm amazed you noticed this little one. Maybe he's more powerful than I thought. He's the one who brought me here, but he doesn't talk at all. I think he just wanted someone to see the sunset with him." Natsume smiled as he looked at the spot beside him. "Isn't that right, little one?"

Natsume laughed as the shadow moved swiftly into his lap. Tanuma couldn't help but smile. He looked so content.

"You've changed, Natsume. You've gotten better at dealing with spirits." How could he explain it? It felt as if Natsume's involvement with the spiritual world was now seamlessly interwoven with his human life. While it was true that Natsume continued to have perilous encounters with spirits on a regular basis, he was more confident in those situations. Simply put, Tanuma felt that Natsume was at peace with both halves of his life now.

Natsume smiled. "I think it's easier in Fukuoka because most of the spirits here don't know about Reiko-san, or the Book of Friends. The Book of Friends is also much thinner now."

The Book of Friends. Natsume's grandmother's inheritance. Natsume had told him about it two years ago, and Tanuma had seen him spend immense time and effort returning names to their rightful owners. For unknown reasons, Natsume didn't like to talk about the Book of Friends much, but Tanuma could tell that it was something very important to him.

They were both silent for a spell, as was often the case when they were together. Unlike the talkative Nishimura, the energetic Taki, or the indefatigable Yuriko, neither of them ever felt a strong urge to talk unless necessary. But they nevertheless enjoyed each other's company.

Tanuma's brow furrowed as he became lost in thought. He had come to the conclusion a few days ago that Natsume was avoiding his friends for some reason, and that perhaps it was related to the spiritual world. And yet… here he was having a completely normal conversation with Natsume, as if everything was fine. Had Natsume become a better actor without him noticing?

"Natsume… if something was bothering you, you'd tell me, right?" Tanuma asked suddenly. "You haven't forgotten our pact not to lie to each other?" He would hold his friend to the promise they had made during the Omibashira incident.

Natsume looked stunned. He said honestly. "Yes, of course… I wouldn't lie to you."

"I know something is bothering you, and I'm not going to force you to tell me, but I wanted you to know that I'm here if you need to talk."

Natsume put a hand on his shoulder. "Thanks, Tanuma. I appreciate it."

Tanuma didn't want to be too overbearing. He knew better than anyone that there were some things that you couldn't share, at least not easily. But sometimes his best friend stubbornly kept things to himself even when he needed help because he didn't want to bother anyone. Did he not realize that Tanuma was happy to help? Or the fact that it worried him when Natsume kept things to himself, because he was left to speculate without knowing what the problem actually was?

He wasn't going to force Natsume to confide in him, but there were some things that needed to be addressed.

The fact that, intentionally or unintentionally, he was hurting Yuriko by his odd behavior these last few weeks.

He was going to say it straight, "I think you insulted Yuriko a lot by cutting your hair without telling her. She was playing it cool, but I could tell she was upset."

Natsume looked down. "Oh..."

"Are you angry at her for some reason? She's under the impression that she unconsciously did something to offend you, and that's why you've been cold to her."

Natsume didn't look him in the eye, "I haven't been cold to her at all. I've been busy with work, so I haven't seen you guys much. I've had double the amount of work hours."

He was playing it that way, was he? By a stroke of luck, Tanuma was one step ahead of him. "I saw Takada-san this morning."

Natsume blinked. "Takada-san meaning the girl who works with me at the library?"

Tanuma nodded. "She has a class with me remember? She was saying how easy she has it lately because another student employee took on a lot of extra hours at the library voluntarily."

"…"

Tanuma grasped his friend's shoulders fiercely. He was really frustrated at how cagey he was being. "Natsume… will you please tell me what's wrong? It's going to drive me nuts with worry! Why are you avoiding all your friends? Didn't we agree before that it is easier to be honest rather than try to hide things?"

Natsume was downcast. "I'm sorry to make you worry, Tanuma... I honestly wasn't trying to avoid you. I took on extra shifts at work because I needed the money." He sighed and ran a hand through his hair. "But… you're right, there is another reason…"

He was quiet for a while before speaking up, "Let me start from the beginning."

* * *

Tanuma wasn't surprised when Natsume told him about what was bothering him. He had not suspected, but he had seen the signs without processing them.

He wondered what his friend thought. "How do you feel about her, Natsume?"

Natsume's eyes were distant, glassy. "I don't know…"

"Were you surprised?"

"I didn't know what to think." Then, in a quiet voice, almost to himself, he said, "I thought about Reiko-san…"

Tanuma didn't ask why he thought of his grandmother. Something in Natsume's voice stopped him. He would tell Tanuma if he wanted to.

Natsume said, "I told myself I was working extra shifts because I wanted to make as much money as I could before the end of the year, but that's not really the truth. I was trying to keep myself occupied so that I wouldn't have to talk to Yuriko… What would I even say to her?"

Natsume set the shadow-spirit down from his lap and stood up. Walking around the roof slowly, he partially covered his face with his scarf, a characteristic Natsume gesture when he was talking about something particularly difficult. Tanuma observed Natsume closely.

"Why did she think… that I was worthy of her love, Tanuma?" Natsume said haltingly, his voice muffled. "I've never done anything for her. She's the one who always does things for me."

_People don't choose who they fall in love with, Natsume_, Tanuma thought silently. He found it ironic that Natsume thought himself unworthy of anyone's love, when it was quite the opposite. The boy's capacity to love was almost infinite; he extended his love to everyone he met, humans or spirits alike. That was likely what allowed him to help others in need unwaveringly, and made it possible for him to touch the lives of many. In turn, the people whose lives he touched reciprocated his love. Hence, Natsume was admired, respected and loved by countless spirits, as well as the humans he was close to.

However, it was true that this was the first time Natsume was dealing with the romantic type of love. The youkai that Natsume encountered often had strong, everlasting attachments, but from what Tanuma understood, it was rarely romantic in the way it was for humans because there were no gender boundaries in the spirit world. Tanuma was no expert on this subject, but in a technical sense, spirits were not born from reproduction, so there was no need for romantic attraction.

Yuriko was also an oddball in the way that she expressed herself, and that made things difficult. Not only was she passionate about things she cared about, she was also always blunt and open about her feelings in a way that was distinctly un-Japanese. Was it because she was an artist that she saw things differently? Moreover, from the moment Tanuma had met her, he noticed that she was quite attached to Natsume. It was unusual, considering the fact that she had not spoken to Natsume for several years before college. He was curious about it, but it obviously wasn't the type of thing he could ask about.

Tanuma did not know how to say these things to Natsume, so instead he said, "Did you know that Yuriko is in the Top 5 of the one-shot competition?"

Natsume let out a sharp breath. "No, I had no idea." The fact that he didn't know was testament to how little interaction he'd had with her recently. Yuriko was blabbing about the competition to anyone who would listen, whenever she could. "I've been a terrible friend to her, huh, Tanuma?"

"I don't know what advice to give you, Natsume. All I can say is that she cares about you a lot. If nothing else, she doesn't deserve your silence. Please at least talk to her. She is an important friend, isn't she?" She had become important to Tanuma too, and it bothered him to see her upset.

"You're right…" Natsume sat down with a thud beside him and held his head in his hands. He seemed to be in a daze again.

Tanuma didn't know what to do to comfort his friend, so instead he sat beside him until the sky turned pitch black and the stars came out.

When they headed down from the roof, Natsume suddenly startled Tanuma by putting his arms around him, "Thanks for today, Tanuma. I-I don't know what I'd do without you." His eyes glittered in the dim light of the staircase.

Tanuma colored, and stuttered out, "N-no problem." After a pause, he added quietly, "My life wouldn't be the same without you either, Natsume." It was true. It was only after meeting Natsume that his headaches around spirits began to cease, and he began to lose his shell around people. He often saw his life as two separate halves. The one before he met Natsume, and the one after.

Both embarrassed now and laughing awkwardly, they headed to dinner together. Tanuma was happy to see that Natsume began to smile and behave more like his normal self.

As Tanuma lay in bed that night, he wondered briefly how things would change if Natsume actually dated Yuriko. He couldn't quite picture it…

He was quite possessive of his best friend. He wondered if he would be jealous. The only human he was willing to share him with was Taki, and that had been difficult too at first, but then he had fallen in love with her… She was also not around now.

His mind jumped from place to place, the tendrils of sleep slowly closing in on him.

The last thought he had before he fell asleep was that perhaps he was sharing Natsume with Yuriko already.

* * *

Yuriko walked slowly to the shrine. She was tired and wanted nothing more than to go home to her dorm and take a long shower, but she had an inexplicable urge to go to the shrine. Not to pray, but for contemplation.

After classes she had gone to the Animate store to restock on some of her art supplies; she had been drawing so much lately that she had completely run out. She didn't need to go that far to get supplies but she had wanted high-grade drawing ink, and it wasn't available anywhere nearby. It was dark by now.

These past few weeks had been hard for her, what with Natsume's incomprehensible avoidance of her. She had spent hours at night going over past incidents, trying to find out if she had unconsciously upset him by saying something thoughtless, but she came up with nothing. She was careful around him after all, because one of her greatest fears had been that he would start avoiding her one day if she crossed some hidden boundary, especially since she knew his secret. Well, she didn't need to worry about that anymore. Her fear had already come to pass…

What made the situation difficult was that she didn't have anyone to talk to about it. Her two closest friends, Junko and Misae, were in different cities. Misae had took over her family business, and Junko was in another college. In any case, neither of them had any clue about her current situation with Natsume, because she hadn't told them he attended college with her. In middle school, Junko had suspected she liked Natsume, but Yuriko had denied it. It was hard to keep it to herself, considering what a blabbermouth she was, but she hadn't felt comfortable sharing. Maybe she was afraid they wouldn't understand. Perhaps it was time to tell them.

She almost confided everything in Tanuma, but she held herself back because Tanuma was Natsume's friend first before he was hers. Tanuma probably figured some of it out though.

She suddenly laughed, albeit somewhat bitterly, when she thought about the fact that Tanuma currently knew more about her life than Natsume did. They had spent a lot of time together the last few weeks in Natsume's absence.

She was not passive throughout the last few weeks. She attempted to talk to Natsume several times. However, he was elusive. Most times he was conveniently at work. With no other outlet to her emotions, Yuriko had immersed herself in her art. It yielded decent results. She did not know if it was common among artists, but she always produced her best work when she was fueled by her emotions. In fact, that was related to how she had started drawing manga in the first place.

At the shrine now, Yuriko swiftly opened her shoes and left them outside. As she entered inside, she did a double take when she noticed the figure asleep in the corner, his head resting on his messenger bag.

Why was Natsume here…?

She stood over him, reminded of the time she had caught him sleeping at a shrine, all those years ago in middle school. Like then, his face was scrunched up, as if in pain, and his fists were clenched tight. Watching over him, she felt some of her built-up anger at him from the last few weeks evaporate.

She had the irresistible urge to stroke his hair, partly because she wanted to ease his nightmare, but also because she had the selfish desire to touch his hair. She loved his hair…

Losing the battle in her head, she placed her hand on his forehead, feather-light. When he began to stir slightly, she withdrew immediately, but noticed that Natsume's brow had cleared, if only a little.

She felt another sense of déjà vu, this time from something fairly recent. She vaguely recalled the sensation of being in Natsume's arms as he carried her to her dorm the day she had fallen asleep in his room. She was delirious with happiness when she woke up the next day. However, soon after Natsume's long period of silence began.

Had he seen something in her room that day? There wasn't anything there that she would want to hide from him. She might have had dirty undergarments lying around, but while that was embarrassing, she didn't care about it that much.

Her mind was distracted as she sat down to draw while she waited for Natsume to wake up. She opened her sketchpad backwards by accident, causing a piece of paper to slip out.

It was the story outline she had made the day after Taki and Nishimura's visit. She found herself being aghast with herself when she re-read the footnote about Natsume. She had developed the habit of writing notes about the conception of each story whenever she had an idea. This was because she catalogued them no matter how ridiculous the idea, and she wanted to be able to recreate her thoughts if she ever used it again. Nevertheless, to put something personal like this in writing when it wasn't even directly related to the story was plain silly, especially when it was on a loose piece of paper. What if someone accidently read it?

Yuriko's heart filled with dread as something finally clicked.

There was movement behind her. "Yuriko?"

* * *

**End Notes:** Reviews appreciated greatly as usual!

Next chapter Yuriko and Natsume finally talk. Maybe I'll update faster cause I'm on break (maybe :P)

An explanation of Tanuma describing Yuriko's nature as "un-Japanese": from my understanding, unlike what we see in the animanga world and also unlike in the Western world, the Japanese (especially older generations) are not often vocal about their feelings, especially about love. The younger generation is changing though, due to some Western influences. Sorry for any generalization because my knowledge is quite limited. Tanuma and Natsume have often been teased as "old men" by Kitamoto and Nishimura, so I imagine their thoughts on this to be more traditional. Yuriko is more of a romantic, likely due to her immersion into the animanga world.


	8. Chapter 8

Thanks to everyone who reviewed the last chapter: roserocksrapidly, Zundial, a random person, KHMugiwaraRocks15. You guys have no idea how happy it makes me to read them every chapter :).

* * *

**Chapter 8**

Natsume felt like he had been dreaming for a long time, except the only thing he could remember as he started to regain consciousness was the haunting smile of his grandmother. She was trying to tell him something… But what was it? It was something important. Something related to the Book of Friends. Why could he not remember?

He was disoriented. The hardness under his back felt unfamiliar, and very much unlike his own futon. As his world slowly blinked back into focus, he realized that he did not recognize his surroundings. Where on earth was he? Had he been caught unawares and abducted by a youkai? He could feel the faint presence of a malicious spirit somewhere nearby.

He was contemplating how he needed to lecture his negligent bodyguard on failing to do his duties properly when he spotted a familiar figure hunched over a notebook.

His confusion cleared. He remembered where he was now. He was at the shrine, but why he was here was somewhat of a long story.

After classes, he had gone to visit Natori, who was in the city for a photo-shoot. He ended up helping the actor seal a particularly nasty youkai in the area. Of course, the part-time exorcist rarely had a singular agenda when he travelled to places for his acting job, and as usual Natsume found himself getting involved.

Natsume sometimes wondered if Natori's friendship with him was based on convenience. The actor was never shy about utilizing Natsume's otherworldly talents after all, although he never forced him. On the other hand, Natsume supposed he was not beyond using Natori's skills either. Like when he asked Natori's shiki Hiiragi to teach him protective seals (Nyanko-sensei refused to teach him), or utilized his exorcist network to find elusive youkai from the Book of Friends to return their names (Natori had found out about the Book a few years ago, and while the actor was less than pleased about it, he had accepted it eventually).

Well, what mattered in the end was that Natsume treasured his friendship with Natori. They did not always tread the same path or see eye-to-eye. Nonetheless they both understood what it was like to see a world that most others could not and that allowed them to speak candidly to each other about many things.

Today, Natsume had gone to ask Natori for a favor before he winded up getting involved in the sealing. Afterward, when he returned to campus, he went to look for Yuriko, finally having mustered enough courage to face her. Not finding her in any of her usual places, he had suddenly felt a wave of exhaustion, and collapsed at the shrine. The sealing had taken more out of him that he had realized…

Although he had been searching for Yuriko to talk to her, now that she was in front of him, he felt apprehension bubble up inside him. What would he tell her? "Yuriko?" he heard himself say.

He could not deny that after keeping her at a distance for so long, it was nice to see her again. Smiling, he said, "I'm glad I finally caught up with you. I was looking for you."

Yuriko looked around him but not at him. Her tone doubtful, she repeated, "You were looking for me? I wasn't on campus. You should have called me."

Natsume made himself keep up his smile. The tension between them was palpable. He berated himself, _Idiot! Did you really expect everything to be normal after you've been ignoring her for weeks?_ And he had gone and cut his hair on his own too. At the time, it had just been a way to avoid Yuriko, but he had not thought about how that would hurt her.

Forcing himself to act casual, he said sheepishly, "I was going to, but then I fell asleep at the shrine."

He almost thought he saw her smirk, as if to say something sardonic about his sleeping habits, but she bit it down and looked at her notebook instead.

He was at a loss on what to say. Instead he took out a thin, wrapped package from his messenger bag and placed it beside Yuriko, "I have something for you."

Bewildered, she finally looked at him, "An early Christmas present?" It made sense that she would think that. Christmas was in less than a week, and they were only a few days away from the start of their short two-week Winter Break.

"Uhh, yeah, sort of." Then, he added quietly, under his breath, "It's mostly an apology for being a terrible friend."

Yuriko's eyes were unreadable, and Natsume was glad he couldn't tell if she had actually heard him or not. She gasped as she opened the package. "It's the new Natori album, with the promotional tracks from his anime voiceover roles! I didn't even know it was out!"

She let out another exclamation as she opened the lid to look inside the cover. Abruptly she closed it and handed it back to Natsume. "There's no way I can accept this. It's a signed copy! It must have cost you a fortune! Why would you get me something like that?"

He pushed it back to Yuriko and insisted, "No, no, no, it really wasn't that expensive."

At most it had cost him a trip to see Natori, and maybe the youkai sealing assist. Perhaps you could also count the humiliation of having to ask Natori for a signed CD. The actor was over the moon when he asked, with sparkles and all. _Ahhh, even Natsume can't resist my charm, huh?_ He had said smiling devilishly.

But how was he going to explain that to Yuriko, who was looking at him skeptically? He didn't want to lie to her today, not when their relationship was so strained already.

He went with something close to the truth. "Uhhh, I don't know quite how to explain this, but Natori-san is something of a family friend." It was not a lie. Natori took Natsume on trips so often, that the Fujiwaras knew him well enough. He had completely charmed his way into Touko's heart, by sending her flowers and goodies regularly, and Touko's approval was enough for Shigeru.

Yuriko seemed to accept that excuse, looking at the CD cover art and turning it over and over.

While some of the tension from before had gone, Yuriko was still not behaving normally with him. Guilt flooded him. This uncharacteristic meekness of hers around him, it was his fault wasn't it?

He wished she would scold him for cutting his hair on his own, or mock him for his sloppy handiwork. Or tell him for the third time that Natori needed more recognition for his anime voice-actor roles, which he did under the alias Ishida Akira.

When she did none of these, Natsume started saying, "Yuriko, I'm-"

"Takashi-kun, I want to-" Yuriko said at the same time.

When they both immediately stopped, Yuriko's face broke into a small smile, and Natsume found himself smiling as well, in spite of himself. "You go first, Yuriko."

She faltered a bit at that, but her expression quickly changed to that of determination. She took out a piece of paper and put it on his lap. "You saw this, didn't you? That night you took me to my room?"

Natsume knew instinctively, without glancing down, the contents of this paper. When he finally looked at it, despite all the other writing that covered the majority of the paper, those few sentences stuck out to him once again:

_I love Takashi so much. I need to find the courage to tell him._

He saw no point in lying. "Yes."

Yuriko sighed and took the piece of paper back. "This is not how I wanted this to go down… But I'll tell you right now that what I wrote wasn't some misunderstanding." She ticked off her fingers. "I was perfectly lucid, sober, awake and non-caffeinated. That's not to say it wasn't stupid of me to write that and leave it out like that, but you know what an idiot I am." She smiled at him, but Natsume could tell that it was a great deal put on. "It's almost like I wanted someone to find it, huh? Still, I meant what I wrote."

How was she was so calm about this? And how did she possibly have the courage to be so honest with him like this, when no matter what either of them said, it would permanently change their relationship? He thought about how many years it had taken him to muster up the courage to tell the Fujiwaras about his powers. And still he had faltered in the end. He had convinced himself it was because he didn't want them to worry about him, but he was lying to himself. The truth was that he was too happy with how things were, and he was scared of change.

"In middle school, when you left, I regretted not talking to you more and getting to know you better," said Yuriko. "It was hard to talk to you, but I should have tried harder to be your friend. I didn't realize that our time together would be so short…"

What was she talking about? He remembered her speaking to him almost every day. She was the only one who did. By then, his strange behaviors had scared away the other kids that had initially been interested in him. Yuriko was awkward with him too at first, but it got better every day that they talked.

Yuriko kept talking at a breakneck pace, without pausing, almost breathlessly. "That's why, when we met again, this time I promised myself that I wouldn't hold back." Taking a deep breath, she looked at him. "I love you, Takashi-kun."

He already knew. But when she looked at him and said it, he found it difficult to breathe.

"Yuriko, I n-" he started to say, but she interrupted him.

"Listen, before you say anything, I have another admission to make. I promised to be honest with you, so I think it's best if I come clean." She paused. "I… found out about your secret."

His mind was in a whirlwind, and his heart was beating painfully across his chest. "W-what are you talking about?"

"That you have some form of supernatural powers, and that Nyanko-sensei isn't a real cat."

"Who told you…?" There was no way Tanuma or Taki would betray his secret. How else could she know?

"I figured it out myself," she said simply. "It's not as hard to figure out as you think, especially if you know what to look for. I suspected for the longest time. And then…" she trailed off.

"Then what?" Natsume asked urgently.

She hesitated, her voice sounding guilty, "I followed you into the forest one day when you were behaving strangely. I saw things… You were chanting something. You had a piece of paper in your mouth. I saw the paper disappear. I heard Nyanko-sensei talk…"

Before Natsume knew what he was doing, he found himself shaking Yuriko by the shoulders, "Yuriko, why would you follow me?! If you already figured it out why didn't you just ask me? Do you have any idea how dangerous youkai can be? Why would you do something so reckless?" His voice, which had risen a few octaves higher than normal, sounded foreign to his own ears.

What if something had happened to her? Contrary to what he had led Tanuma to believe the day before, his dealings with youkai were as turbulent as ever. In some ways, lately, it had gotten worse, but he had his reasons for trying to hide it from Tanuma.

Yuriko stuttered, "I-I'm sorry! I'm so sorry! I just thought- I thought if I asked you, you'd stop talking to me… I thought I was going crazy… I wanted to know." She looked scared and ready to burst into tears.

When he realized that she was frightened of _him _and the way he was behaving, he dropped her shoulders immediately and willed himself to calm down.

"I'm sorry too… for lying to you," he said quietly.

It wasn't like him to lose his composure, but he knew why he did. The twinge of malicious intent he had felt earlier, which had been steadily coming closer and closer in the time he was talking to Yuriko, made it impossible to forget.

He had been on edge ever since the youkai incident in the library a few weeks ago. Malevolent youkai had affected his personal life before, but that incident was the first time it had significantly affected the daily lives of those around him. The youkai, who had a grudge against Reiko, had caused a temporary power outage at the library, which in turn caused the book tracking system to malfunction. The fallout had caused grievances across the whole student body.

Natsume was being targeted more than ever these days, and the encounters were getting more and more perilous. It was because as the Book of Friends became thinner, the names that remained were those of extremely powerful youkai. These youkai had resented being enslaved by the Book of Friends, but had not been able to act on it while Reiko was alive, due of the nature of their contract with her. However, over the years, as Natsume continued to return names of youkai, his reputation as a compassionate human spread, as did news of Reiko's death. The youkai who had been unable to retaliate while Reiko was alive, either because they were powerless against her or too scared of her, now wanted to make Natsume, as Reiko's next of kin, suffer. Some came to taunt him, others sought revenge. Natsume's steadfast refusal to properly utilize the Book's power to deal with these youkai did not help his case, to Nyanko-sensei great chagrin.

These youkai were smart. They did not always seek to physically hurt him. Rather they wanted to disrupt his human life and taunt him. The library incident was a case in point. That was part of the reason why Natsume was hiding it from Tanuma. He was afraid his friend would be targeted because of his connection to Natsume. Tanuma's spiritual powers, although weak, made him an even more attractive target, and so the less he knew the better.

The malicious spirit presence outside the shrine grounds was becoming hard to ignore. Natsume could sense it straining against the shrine barriers, trying to break through. The fact that it was attempting to break through shrine seals spoke volumes about its power.

For Natsume, it was a sharp reminder about the boundaries he had to maintain around himself.

He gave himself thirty seconds to think about how different today might have been if he had been a normal boy. But the moment passed quickly. It was time to go.

He felt like there was a hand squeezing his heart as he bowed his head and faced Yuriko, "I need to go, Yuriko… I'm sorry."

_Sorry I couldn't respond to you even though you poured your heart out to me, _he couldn't say. _I'm sorry I am not the one who can make you happy. _But she didn't need him to find happiness, do she? She was going to go far in life and make her mark on the world, he was sure of it. Why would she need him?

Yuriko looked like she was going to argue with him. But then her expression changed and she simply looked defeated. "Alright."

Then without saying anything further, she picked up her bag, retrieved her shoes, and walked away.

Forcing himself not to think about her and focus on the task at hand, Natsume cautiously stepped toward the edge of the shrine grounds. "You there!" he shouted into the darkness of the forest. "You want your name back, don't you? If I give it back, will you leave me alone, please?"

Without waiting for a response, he took out the Book of Friends, "That which shields itself from me, reveal yourself to me…"

* * *

The spirit ended up becoming violent, even after his name was returned, and Natsume required Nyanko-sensei's help to bail him out. It was finally over now though, and they were walking home. If Natsume was exhausted before, he felt completely drained now…

"It's getting worse every day, sensei… These spirits really had a grudge against Reiko-san…"

"Don't expect it to get any better from now on, idiot," Nyanko-sensei retorted angrily. "That's why I keep telling you to give up on returning names. But do you listen? NO! So don't you _dare _complain, especially as my precious Book of Friends keeps getting thinner and thinner!"

"I can't give up, sensei… I promised myself that I would return all the names. I can't back out now. Besides…" Wasn't that what his grandmother was trying to tell him in his dreams? To finish what he had started? He felt like it had to be.

Nyanko-sensei's voice became slightly dangerous. "You're going to get yourself killed. Do you really have any right to lecture others on being reckless when you're being this stupid, you fool?"

Natsume stopped in his tracks. "You were there at the shrine all the time, sensei? You heard everything?"

"Of course I was there," the cat beast replied haughtily. "You were passed out. I was actually doing something bodyguard-like for once when that girl came."

Now that Natsume thought about it, when the youkai had attacked him, for once, Nyanko-sensei had appeared almost instantly to save him. It made sense now. His bodyguard had been far more vigilant of late, ever since the incident at the library.

"Did I do the right thing, sensei?" He couldn't explain it, but it had felt like goodbye.

"How am I supposed to know? Human relationships are completely incomprehensible to me. They make no sense whatsoever." But the cat jumped into Natsume's arms and didn't object when he hugged him.

Natsume smiled. Despite all the trouble his powers caused, he would never want to be normal. He wouldn't trade the friendships that he had gained with youkai because of his powers for anything in the world. His ability made him who he was.

Then why was it that he felt a crushing sense of loneliness despite the fact that sensei was right next to him?

* * *

_It was nice to be home_, Natsume thought, staring outside into the yard from the window in his room. It had only been a few days since he had gotten back, but already he felt some of the pent up stress from the semester oozing out of him.

Natsume smiled when he thought about how Touko had fussed over him when he got back, complaining about how skinny he was. She had fed him non-stop since then. When Shigeru scolded Touko for treating him like a kid, Touko had blushed but didn't back down.

"Natsume, get me some grilled squid," Nyanko-sensei whined from his place on top of Natsume's hot water bottle.

"Where am I supposed to get grilled squid from?" Natsume asked his bodyguard incredulously. "It's not like there are any festivals right now. And stop monopolizing my bottle! You act like it's yours!"

"Hmph. You're not even using it." Nyanko-sensei said haughtily. "And it's not my business_ where _you get squid from. Just gimme!"

Natsume picked the cat up and pulled his cheeks. "Get some exercise and then maybe I'll consider it. You lazy fat cat!"

"You idi-" But Nyanko-sensei's indignance was cut short by Touko's voice from downstairs.

"Takashi-kun, your New Year's cards are here!" she called from downstairs.

"Coming, Touko-san!"

Getting New Year's cards was one of his favorite parts of the winter holidays. Maybe it was because he had never received them until he made friends in high school, but he cherished each one and saved them all. There were always the standard ones from his closest friends, but he was usually the most excited about the ones from his other friends, the ones from out of town, because it was a way to keep in touch with them.

Since the Murasaki incident, Shibata sent him a card every year without fail. They were usually haughty but nice, just like Shibata himself. This year he asked Natsume to plan a meet-up with him, which made him incredibly happy.

The one from Sasada was pretty long too because she didn't live in the same town any more. She became independent from her step-family after graduating from high school and moved to a different city. She was working all through the break. Sasada's family circumstances made Natsume a little sad. He was an orphan too, but he had been lucky enough to find a great family… It seemed like she was doing just fine though. He hoped he got to see her soon.

He was trying not to feel disappointed that there was nothing from Yuriko when the smiling face of Touko popped into his room.

"Takashi-kun, you actually have another envelope," she said apologetically. "I accidentally put it in Shigeru-san's pile."

Smiling, Natsume hastened to take the thick manila envelope from her, "Thank you, Touko-san!"

"It's from the girl," Nyanko-sensei observed from beside him after Touko left.

"Yeah…" It contained what appeared to be two numbered, bound manuscripts of Yuriko's art as well as a letter. There was a sticky-note about the envelope contents at the top. Apart from New Year's Greetings, it said in Yuriko's neat script:

_The first manuscript is a copy from the one-shot competition, since I promised to let you read it. The second manuscript is something I made for myself in middle school. It is my first complete manga. It's embarrassing for me to read now because I wasn't that good and I get critical, but I am still proud of it. I have never shared this manuscript with anyone because it is very personal, and nor do I plan to. So, either return it to me or keep it in a safe place. After you're done with it, read the attached letter. _

It felt wrong somehow. That she had still thought of him, despite how they had parted over the break. He felt terrible.

Pushing that feeling aside he started reading the first manuscript. It was as breath-taking as he had imagined, with the story coming alive through Yuriko's fluid art. The ending was unexpectedly heart-breaking. Unexpected because it was so unlike Yuriko's personality. Then again, what could he have expected from a ghost story?

When he opened the second manuscript, he instantly realized what Yuriko meant by it being personal. On the cover was a young schoolboy looking at his classmates through a fence. Behind the boy were menacing dark shadows, just beginning to take shape. Despite the fact that the boy's features did not seem anything like his own, he instinctively knew that this boy was inspired by him.

The story began with a narration.

.

.

'_Have you ever had a childhood friend that moved away before you could tell them all the things you wanted to? I'm sure you did. It happens all the time. This story is about the time I met Kamiya-kun. I wanted to tell this story because, otherwise, I know I will forget. I don't want to forget…_

_The girls were fascinated by him because he was so mysterious, but he was a strange one. He would seem to get scared over nothing, and always seemed on edge. Sometimes he would trip over nothing…'_

_._

_._

While it was dramatized and there were clear variations, especially when the story switched to the supernatural elements, the meat of the story was undeniably about him and about the short time he had spent in Yuriko's town.

He learned new things about her from the story. The fact that her mom told her to stay away from him. About how many times she tried to apologize to him for the insensitive comment about his hair. About her conflicted feelings after he left because while she wished he found a good family, she also hoped he came back to her town eventually. About how she learned how to cut hair after he left because it made her feel less upset about his absence.

He didn't know how much of it was fictional or dramatized. But everything rang too true and with too much emotion to be false… Had she cared that much? He had never realized…

The story ended with the protagonist Shizuka's regrets. She regretted not being able to properly strike a friendship with Kamiya and show him that there were people who cared for him. Natsume smiled a little. He found it ironic that the author of the story herself did not understand her characters very well. She did not seem to have realized how much Shizuka had meant to Kamiya.

Natsume had gotten to where he was with a lot of help. He was not particularly well-liked by humans when he was younger, but he was always sustained by those small acts of kindness by different individuals throughout his life. Would he be the same person if it weren't for those acts of kindness?

He was so starved of human conversation at that time in Yuriko's town. The woman who was taking care of him then was an alcoholic, and he mostly stayed out of her way. His conversations with Yuriko, however short, were the highlights of his days…

He opened the letter.

.

.

_Takashi-kun,_

_I sent you the manuscript because when we talked last time I wasn't able to properly convey why you were so important to me. I've been drawing since I was 7, and I knew I wanted to be a mangaka since I was 10. It's a long story involving a man I met long ago as a child and I'll tell you that some other time. While I have been drawing for a long time, no matter how much I tried, I couldn't write any decent manga, much less complete a story, until I was 15, with the manuscript that you just read. I actually even entered a middle school manga competition before we met but I didn't place. The art of the girl that won the competition sucked. I was so angry with myself then that I decided to quit my dream. Okaa-san was on my case then about not doing well at school, so it kind of made sense._

_After you left though, I couldn't stop drawing. I guess I've always been fueled by my emotions when I draw. It was like I was possessed. I drew all the time at school, at home. I slept so little that my mom thought I was sick. Anyways, that's how I ended up finishing my first manga. I ended up placing in several manga competitions in high school and made a name for myself. I vowed to never quit my dream again._

_You're going to say that you don't deserve any credit for any of this because you didn't do anything. That might be true, but you were my source of inspiration and guiding light, and even today, you are my muse. That's why no matter what happens between us, you will always be special to me. I just wanted to say that._

_Wish you the best,_

_Yuriko_

_._

_._

Natsume was rendered speechless after he finished reading. He felt warm, happy, flattered.

He really needed to call Yuriko to thank her. Not only for writing about him, but also for sending it to him… Anxiousness bubbled up inside him at the thought of calling her but he tried to stamp it down. He was guiltily relieved when Touko called him to dinner, because he could postpone the call for a little bit longer.

When he finally called Yuriko though, all awkwardness flew out the window, because she had news of her own.

"Takashi-kun, the truth is I am not going back to Fukuoka when class starts back again."

* * *

**End Notes:**

I do feel slightly evil for ending it there, but it was a nice stopping point. It was probably the most difficult chapter for me to write, which is why it took a while to update. A romantic confession is never straightforward when Natsume is involved! Your thoughts on the chapter would be greatly appreciated.

Did anyone get the anime seiyuu references? _Ishida Akira_, _Kamiya Hiroshi, _and _Itou Shizuka _are the voice actors for Natori, Natsume and Yuriko respectively. I really love all three of them so I couldn't resist putting them in, especially since I had a good excuse to do so.

Last chapter, Tanuma briefly wonders why Yuriko is so attached to Natsume, even though she hadn't seen him for years before college, so I wanted to explain that more in this chapter.

About Sasada: I combined Sasada's story in the manga with the anime version because it is quite different, and I rather prefer her personality in the manga one. In the manga, Sasada moves away not long after her acquaintance with Natsume and Natsume is sad to learn that Sasada has a complicated family situation (her dad died sometime after remarrying so she lives with her stepfamily).

Shibata, if you don't remember, is the guy who bullied Natsume when he was younger, but they become friends after Natsume helps him with the youkai Murasaki. I got the New Year's Card idea when I saw a cute omake in the manga where Natsume receives New Year's cards from his friends, Shibata included.


	9. Chapter 9

I am so sorry it's taken me so long to update this! Can't believe it's been six months since I have updated! I got really busy last semester and then once there was a break in writing it was really hard to get back. This chapter was also incredibly hard for me to write though. The hardest to date and I am worried I may have botched it, especially as I am rusty. You guys be the judge!

A special thank you to all my reviewers **Wrightless**, **roserocksrapidly**,** Zundial**, **a random person**, **Starlit Skyline**,** Comicker**,** Kanon58**,** amerine905**, **Natsume-sempai** and the guests. Can't believe I reached the 50 review mark, it really means a lot and it truly helps me keep going.

* * *

Yuriko had news of her own, "Takashi-kun, the truth is I am not going back to Fukuoka when semester starts back again."

"W-what? What do you mean?"

She sounded excited, "I won the competition, Takashi-kun! I'm going to be an apprentice for Kirigaya Yuki-san in Tokyo! It ends in August, so I won't be returning to school until after the summer."

He felt like a ball of lead had dropped in his stomach. "Um, that's really great, Yuriko. It's just what you wanted. It's a big step for you."

"I know, right? I can't wait."

He didn't understand the sinking feeling at the pit of his stomach. It wasn't like Yuriko was leaving for good, she was only going to be away for half a year.

But what if, after her internship was over, she decided to stay in Tokyo to further her dream of becoming a manga artist? She had told him multiple times, albeit non-seriously, how she wanted to quit college and start drawing full time. She might not have been serious then, but things were different now that she was actually serving as an assistant for a reputed artist.

_If she does stay in Tokyo to pursue her dream… _Natsume told himself vehemently. _I will be her biggest supporter. _Just because she was another city didn't mean they could no longer be friends.

And yet, he knew it would not be the same… how often was it that he saw Sasada or Shibata? Or even Taki and Nishimura? Two to three times, maybe four times in a year if they were lucky. If he thought things would be the same, he was just deluding himself.

"Takashi-kun, are you there?" Yuriko's voice broke his reverie.

"Y-yeah, sorry, I'm here. How does it work with you going away before completing the semester?" After all, while their two week winter break ended in a few days, they still had about two months of school left until the end of the academic year.

"I didn't explain, did I? I've been talking to the university and they are willing to accommodate me for the remainder of the semester. I guess they look upon pretty favorably on internships in Tokyo." Here Yuriko giggled a little. "I won't lie, I might have been a _tiny_ bit manipulative..."

Hearing her laugh in his ear eased his spirit a little. He smiled, "What did you do now?"

"I sent Fukuyama-san a signed copy of Kirigaya-san's work. How was I supposed to know it would soften her heart enough to argue my case with the university authorities?" she giggled again. "See I'm completely innocent."

Natsume laughed. "I guess that's fair."

Fukuyama-san was a young bright-eyed advisor who was a champion of student rights in their department. Not only was she a kind-hearted, unsuspecting soul, it was also a well-known fact that she was a closet otaku. Her phone had a habit of ringing at the most inopportune moments with obnoxious anime ringtones. It was a dead giveaway.

"Essentially I have to keep turning in assignments online. I may also have to come back to give the term exams but I'm hoping they might work out something with the affiliate university in Tokyo. After that I will take leave of absence until August."

"So you're planning to rejoin school when term starts in September?"

"Yep! I get to skip school till then!" She was laughing mischievously.

Natsume got lost in his thoughts again. He had looked at train ticket prices to Tokyo a few months back for a particular personal errand, but the astronomical prices had completely wiped thoughts of the trip from his mind. It was over 20,000 yen, something he could not afford. It was at least a six hour journey to Tokyo from anywhere in Kyushu and he supposed prices made sense considering the distance, but why did travel have to be so expensive?

Essentially, it was unlikely he would see Yuriko for the period of her internship. He couldn't deny that he was happy for Yuriko and what the internship meant for her career. However, at the same time, if he was honest with himself, he had to admit that he was a little sad she would be gone from his life for that long. Was it hypocritical of him to have those thoughts considering how much he had pushed her away from him lately?

Why were his thoughts such a confused mess…?

"Takashi-kun?" Her sudden serious tone made him halt. Her earlier exuberance was gone.

"Yes?"

He could feel her hesitate a little. "No it's nothing…"

An awkward silence stretched for a few moments until Yuriko spoke up, "I have to go, Takashi-kun. My mom is calling me."

There was something he wanted to say badly, but before he could figure out what it was she had hung up.

His hearing was excellent, even over the phone, and he hadn't heard anyone call Yuriko. Perhaps, he was merely overthinking it.

* * *

His hand poised to knock on the door, Natsume suddenly stopped. Should he really do this?

He had been slightly worried that he would get lost, but his worries had been unfounded. Because once he got off at the station and walked through town, he realized that he remembered the streets very well. The black scythe youkai Kurokama who had been after him in this town had chased him all around the place after all. Endlessly, day after day, without tiring. After a while Natsume had found little twists and turns and nooks and crannies to hide in and outwit the youkai. Perhaps that was why he knew his way around still, despite the short time he had lived here.

He found the path to Yuriko's apartment complex easily. Her place was only a few buildings down from the building he had previously occupied. It was along a busy street, with a steep set of stairs going down to it. He walked around the building for a bit, looking for the correct apartment number. It took him just a few minutes. The name plate read: _Ogata Fusae and Yuriko._

Now that he was here though, he found himself sweating despite the cold weather. What had made him think this was such a good idea?

It was all his stupid cat bodyguard's fault for goading him into coming here… The last few days Nyanko-sensei kept complaining about his 'moping'. _If you want to talk to her that badly, just go see her, stupid. Why are humans such idiots? Hmph. If you have that much free time, go get me some FOOD! _Here Natsume had pulled on the cat's cheeks in mock irritation, who in turn proceeded to bite Natsume's head and nag him some more…

In the end, Natsume had conceded that the cat had a point. Yuriko hadn't left for Tokyo _yet_ and her hometown, at least, was only a bus ride away…

In the present, his main fear wasn't even facing Yuriko herself. Rather, he was afraid that if he knocked it would be her mom that answered the door. It was possible that Ogata Fusae wouldn't recognize him as the boy from middle school (it had been four years now), but she was still a protective mother, and he was still a young male visiting her daughter…

Natsume had been somewhat happy a few minutes ago when Nyanko-sensei had gone off on his own to explore town, mainly because he didn't have to handle the beast's teasing any longer. Now, however, he regretted it. Perhaps he should have asked the cat to transform into Reiko and keep him company… He shook his head. There was no way Nyanko-sensei would have agreed to that, not without emptying his wallet for snacks any way.

His battle with himself came to a screeching halt with a sudden movement behind the door. "Can you lock the door behind me, Yuri-chan?" said a deep woman's voice.

Eyes widening, Natsume hastily ducked around the corner. He made it right in time as the door flung open and a broad-shouldered woman in an olive green coat stepped out. He thought he caught a flash of Yuriko's reddish-brown curls as the door snapped shut once again.

Natsume gave a wry grin as he observed his main source of nervousness slowly walk away up the daunting set of steps and into the street. Well. It seemed luck was on his side today.

He waited several minutes until Ogata Fusae was completely gone, feeling ridiculous as he squatted on his knees and out of sight. Why was it that he felt like some sort of criminal even though he was just visiting Yuriko? He was such an idiot…

When he walked back up to Unit 104 again and knocked, the door opened almost instantly. Yuriko was at her most casual attire, dressed in a red sweatshirt that said _100% Tsundere _in English letters (what did that even mean?). Her hair looked uncombed and Natsume had a strong suspicion that she had just woken up despite it being past noon. But for some reason, he felt his heart rate double.

"Okaa-chan? Did you forget some-" she stopped when she saw him. "T-Takashi-kun?! What are you doing here?"

All his nervousness came flying back as he looked down at the ground, his face partially getting obscured by his scarf. "S-Sorry, I shouldn't have come without calling you first," he managed to mumble.

"No, no, no, it's totally fine. Just hang on a sec while I go change." She smirked. "I'm gonna freeze my ass off if I try to go out in this."

Natsume blushed a bit at her crude wording. "Sure, I'll wait for you out in the street."

He was so wrapped up thinking about what he would say once Yuriko returned that he didn't notice her bounding up the stairs until she was facing him. He watched her struggling to button up her dark blue coat, while simultaneously wrapping her scarf for a few moments. Despite his best efforts to keep a straight face, he couldn't help but laugh.

Yuriko's eyes narrowed slightly. "What?"

Covering his mouth with his hand to mask his laughter, Natsume bit out, "Y-you have your coat on backwards."

Comprehension seemed to dawn on Yuriko as she smiled sheepishly… "Yes I do. I was wondering why on earth it was so hard to button the damn thing." Under her breath she murmured, "It's because I was so excited to see you." Natsume didn't know if she meant for him to hear that but he found himself blushing all the same. She was so honest.

Smiling, he gently tugged on her scarf. "Here let me help. I'll hold on to your scarf…"

When she finished buttoning her coat, Natsume impulsively took a step forward and started looping the scarf around her neck in the way she usually wore it. He could feel her gaze on him as he fumbled with the garment and he flushed under the scrutiny. When he sneaked a quick glance at her, he felt his heart do a funny flip. The expression she wore was of soft content, something that was in complete contrast to her usual loud exuberance. It was in some ways not unlike the smile Touko-san had for him, but in some ways not like it either.

Had she always looked at him that way..? Or was it only when she thought he wasn't looking?

When she looked at him like that, part of him wanted to run away as fast as possible and sever their bond as soon as he could. But there was the other part… A part that was getting harder and harder to silence with each passing day…

As they set off walking in no particular direction, Yuriko rambled at breakneck speed about her break, with Natsume as an obedient listener. It was as if all that had transpired in the last few weeks in their relationship had never happened. Of course, Natsume knew that it was only a farce, but for now, it felt nice to pretend.

He had missed this. Being able to talk to her. Hearing her laugh. Even if it was for a short time, he tried not to overthink things and let himself enjoy this moment of basking in her presence…

* * *

They ran into Nyanko-sensei some time later. He was clearly completely inebriated. Natsume could only guess at where his wayward bodyguard had found alcohol in this town, because the cat refused to disclose it. He had been up to something shady no doubt.

Yuriko entirely dissolved with happiness at hearing Nyanko-sensei talk, rambling about how her life was complete now that she had encountered a magical talking cat. That, of course, resulted in Nyanko-sensei roaring about how he was "NOT A CAT, but a noble beast" and Yuriko was more than happy to hear his account of what he actually was.

Grinning up at Natsume, Yuriko said, "You know, you're totally like a manga protagonist. It's no wonder that I've gotten so much inspiration for my work from you."

He fidgeted with his scarf, "Uh…"

Yuriko laughed at his embarrassment, which made him want to duck his head even more.

They wound up in the shrine where they had first met. Although it was a rather poor first meeting, he looked upon those memories fondly now. It seemed that Yuriko frequented this shrine a lot, much like she did with the smaller shrine near their university.

Natsume liked this shrine. Other than his uneasy friendship with Yuriko while he had lived in this town, his experiences here were rather turbulent. He had taken sanctuary in the shrine far more times than his short stay should have warranted. It was mostly because of the black scythe youkai, Kurokama, who had made it a mission to make his everyday life hell.

Come to think of it, where was Kurokama? He had felt certain that if he ever returned to this town, Kurokama would make it a point to approach him. It was strange that he hadn't. The spirit's presence had weighed down on his mind so much while he lived here that it was almost frustrating not to see him now that he was back. They hadn't parted on terrible terms, but still, Natsume felt like seeing him would allow some old ghosts in his mind to rest…

As Natsume went to take a seat on the shrine floor, his hand grazed the guardian statue in front of the shrine building. He saw a flash in his mind's eye. He gave a start. Wasn't that…? Didn't it look like-

"You know, I almost died here once." Yuriko spoke up.

"W-what?! What do you mean?"

"It was an accident. You know the long set of stairs that leads out into the street from the shrine?" Natsume nodded. "I slipped and fell into an incoming car. It was only a split second but I had no doubt at that moment that I was going to die… But something saved me."

She paused and closed her eyes before continuing, "I remember it very clearly. I felt like something lifted me into the air and out of the way. I heard something shatter, but it didn't sound like glass or metal. I don't remember much after that because I blacked out… When I came to I was in the hospital for a sprained ankle. I remember waking up and thinking how incredible that I was alive with a minor injury because as fantastical as it sounds it felt like I came face to face with death…"

Natsume took a seat beside Yuriko in a daze. Things came together in his mind slowly. He realized now why, when he had touched the guardian statue, it had felt like Kurokama was no longer in this world. What was it that the spirit had told him when they had parted ways four years ago?

_The curse I placed on you was a lie. I was merely teasing you. I do not have the power to hurt humans. I serve the god of this shrine, and my task is to take human disasters and suffer in their place._

Despite all the trouble the spirit had caused him, Natsume had almost pitied him then. What a sad existence it was, to be tasked with suffering in the place of humans thanklessly for an eternity. The way he had tormented Natsume was wrong, but perhaps that was the only way the spirit knew how to interact with humans…

Perhaps it was because he had touched the statue earlier, but he had no doubt that Kurokama sacrificed himself for Yuriko's sake. It was possible that the spirit had been near the end of his life already. But still…

Natsume bowed his head toward the statue. _Kurokama, you have my thanks. You protected someone very dear to me. _

He wished that they had been able to interact on better terms. But he hadn't been as good at dealing with spirits then as he was now. Meeting Nyanko-sensei had changed everything.

Yuriko seemed to have sensed his distress. She touched his hand lightly. "Are you alright, Takashi-kun?"

He struggled to find his voice, "A-Ahh… The guardian of the shrine protected you. H-he's passed on." Kurokama had died to save Yuriko and she deserved to know, even if it was difficult for him to speak of it.

He told her everything. His first encounters with the spirit four years ago. The "curse" that someone near Natsume would die unless he escaped Kurokama's grasp for thirty days. The revelation that the spirit had just been teasing him all along. And finally, the residual spiritual power from the statue today that allowed him to witness Kurokama's final moments.

When Natsume had finished, Yuriko was at a loss for words. They sat side by side in silence, her hand grasped in his. He couldn't remember when he had taken Yuriko hand, but he didn't let go.

"I'm glad that I returned to this shrine after the accident and kept paying my respects." Yuriko whispered. He squeezed her hand lightly.

There was no more talk of Kurokama after that. Instead, they spoke of lighter subjects. Yuriko told him about how she decided to become a manga artist as a kid, although she was quite embarrassed by it.

When Yuriko was seven, her mom worked part-time at an art gallery. Ogata Fusae didn't want to leave her young daughter alone in the house after school, so instead she would bring Yuriko to work. Yuriko mostly entertained herself, but she also took to following around an artist in the gallery who did live art demonstrations for patrons.

"With his long dyed hair and the speed at which he completed paintings for his customers, he was just the definition of cool. At that age, I had never seen someone like that before so I was completely fascinated." Yuriko told him. "He was incredibly talented too."

To get Yuriko out of his way, the artist would sometimes hand her manga to read. "It was whatever he had in his bag at the time and it was hardly at my reading level, but I _loved _to look at the pictures. I found out later that some of his manga collection was rather questionable to hand to a seven year old. And trust me, some adult manga can get _really_ graphic." She grinned. "Well, I think I turned out alright. No harm done."

Natsume smiled. It sounded like Yuriko had a happy childhood.

"To impress Suwabe-san I started copying art from the manga. Of course, he wasn't impressed at all. I sucked at drawing then. I kept doing it though because it was a way to pass the time."

Yuriko's mom eventually left the art gallery to open a hairdressing salon of her own but Yuriko continued to draw and periodically show her work to Suwabe-san. However, one day, without saying anything, Suwabe-san disappeared from town. Yuriko heard later that he had made it big on one of his paintings in an auction and left to pursue greener pastures.

"I was really _really_ angry. How could he have left without saying anything? It seemed cruel. I couldn't believe it." Yuriko sighed and leaned back. "You know, having never had a father figure, I kind of hero worshipped Suwabe-san because he was the first man in my life. My mom was struggling to keep her business afloat then and well, I think I saw Suwabe-san as the answer to all our problems. Which is really a child's silly idealism. I guess hero worship can make you blind, huh?"

Natsume didn't know. He didn't have any reliable adult figures in his life until he was much older. Although, perhaps he had merely learned not to trust them from the get-go because of the early disappointments… None of them had been bad people though. They just didn't understand him. It was his spiritual powers that was to blame, right?

"I sort of got it in my head that if I published a manga of my own and made it big, Suwabe-san would acknowledge me, wherever he was. I could mail it to his address and it would be like: _in your face! _I started drawing all the time… But eventually my anger faded and I began to draw for my own sake because I really loved it… I mean, if I saw Suwabe-san now I think I would thank him from the bottom of my heart because he gave me my dream. It's ironic, isn't it?"

Natsume smiled at her gently. "It's funny how things happen sometimes. Old wounds fade, and people you thought you hated before, you just yearn to see them one more time."

Yuriko looked surprised at that insight. She tilted her head and looked at him quizzically but he merely shook his head.

Yuriko ran a hand through her hair. "But it seems like I don't change. All my life, I've just been chasing after guys." Although her tone was light-hearted, she was looking straight at him.

Natsume blushed under her gaze.

"We should go to the station now if you want to catch your bus," Yuriko told him abruptly. She had let go of his hand and seemed to be avoiding his eyes now.

"Ah, that's right…"

Yuriko was looking around. "Where is Nyanko-sensei? Wasn't he with us?"

"He doesn't really like shrines. But it's okay, he'll find us."

He missed the feeling of Yuriko's hand already.

He _was_ a hypocrite, wasn't he? After all he hadn't even responded to Yuriko's confession yet… He didn't think he could right now…

* * *

Natsume stared blankly at Yuriko at the bus stop. He took a quick peek at his watch. Six minutes before the bus took off. Why was it that no matter how much he had to talk about he could never form the right words?

Yuriko spared him the agony of figuring out what to say by lightly touching his cheek, "Take care of yourself."

Natsume nodded, his cheek burning at the touch, "You too."

"Bring me some sweets when you come back," Nyanko-sensei added his input from his perch on his shoulder, waving his tiny arms at her.

Natsume said automatically, "To this day I wonder whether you're a pig or a cat, sensei." Scolding sensei felt familiar, routine. It was a welcome distraction.

Predictably sensei started raging at him and they squabbled with each other for a few minutes.

Giving Yuriko a last smile, Natsume said, "I better board the bus before sensei causes a scene, Yuriko."

He turned back again to look at her right before he entered the bus. She was looking away so he couldn't see her face. He felt all his built up resolve disappear.

He entered the bus.

August seemed far away.

* * *

**End Notes:**

I've always thought that Natsume is the type of person who would go see someone if he really wanted to see them. This is based off Episode 30, when he reunites with the tree youkai and he thinks to himself, _as long as you have the desire to see someone, you will never be alone._ (I am paraphrasing)

When I imagined Suwabe-san, I sort of had someone like Fukuda Shinta from Bakuman in mind. The name Suwabe is a nod to his voice actor Suwabe Junichi, who is conveniently also the VA for our favorite Matoba :P.

If you expected a love confession… well, this is Natsume we are talking about :P. Things are bound to be slow. I do only have 2 or at the most 3 chapters planned out though, so things are wrapping up! There are certain reasons (which will be explained later) why Natsume is still so hesitant.

Hopefully I won't make you guys wait quite as long for the next chapter. I do want to finish this fic! Thank you for being patient and continuing to support me! I really appreciate it!


	10. Chapter 10

Again, it's been so long since my last update. This time I have no excuse, because I actually started writing other fics and procrastinating on this one :P. Thank you so much for being patient and continuing to support me :). Special thanks to my **reviewers roserocksrapidly, a random person, Zundial, Wrightless **and **Ksky10.**

A reader generously dedicated a Yuriko/Natsume fanart to this fic a few months back - it's really great! I can't put links here but you can find it at the tumblr blog 'haydentone'! :)

Please enjoy the second last chapter!

* * *

**Chapter 10**

"I'm sorry, Natsume, I know our trip didn't end up quite like how you would have wished." Natori was sitting across from him at a table by the window, sipping a cup of steaming coffee. They were at a café in Shinjuku, Tokyo.

Natsume smiled, even though his eyes were sad. "It's okay, Natori-san. I wasn't expecting much… I'm just glad I got to meet him at least…"

Nyanko-sensei paused from his assault on a piece of cake and looked at Natsume contemplatively. Natsume avoided the cat's gaze, because he was sure the beast would see right through him.

Natori was talking about their just concluded trip to see a man named Takamura Shunsuke. Takamura Shunsuke was a businessman in the Shinjuku ward in Tokyo. He was also the younger brother of Takamura Kiyoshi, Natsume's maternal grandfather.

Tracking him down had taken months.

It had started when Natsume found out about his grandmother's past with his grandfather. Learning about Kiyoshi's horrific death had been painful for him, but what had shocked him even more was when Nyanko-sensei told him that Kiyoshi's family never knew how he had died. How would it feel, Natsume wondered, if someone near and dear to him suddenly disappeared without a trace, without an explanation? He had seen how his grandmother had suffered because she blamed herself for Kiyoshi's death, but it must have been equally excruciating to Kiyoshi's family members to never know what had happened to him…

He didn't know if Kiyoshi had any surviving relatives who cared for him. It had been over forty years since his death. But in case he did, Natsume thought it was his responsibility to track them down. If he could ease their pain in any way, he would do whatever in his power. That was what he thought to himself over a year ago now when he began this mission.

Secretly, he also had another wish. While relatives on his father's side had (grudgingly) taken care of him until he was finally adopted by the Fujiwaras, they shunned and belittled his grandmother behind his back, and by association, his mother and himself. Apart from the derogatory side comments, his father's relatives could never give him in any information about his mother's side of the family when he asked. They had no information because Reiko, who was an orphan herself, had taken care of his mother on her own in isolation. That was the reason they gave him anyway. Natsume suspected that the real reason they didn't know was because they couldn't be bothered to find out about the woman they had so despised. But Natsume's secret wish was this. That his grandfather's family would accept him for who he was, and welcome him. The Takamura clan was an old exorcist family. Even though they had formally disbanded years ago, surely they would understand him and his powers?

He knew it was silly to hope for something like that. Why did he feel the need to be included in a stranger's family, when he had a loving family of his own, and friends who understood him? It was because he was afraid that if he did not hold on to the connections of his biological family now, he would forget forever… He had already lost the memories of his mother. He was beginning to forget what the cheerful voice of his father sounded like, though he could still recall his distinct, throaty laugh. Then, there was Kiyoshi and Reiko. Although he had never met them, in some ways he knew them better than his parents. He wanted to learn as much as he could about the both of them.

When Natsume first undertook the task of finding his grandfather's family, he grossly underestimated the task. Because the Takamura clan had disbanded and left town decades ago, he could find no leads in directories. Takamura was also an incredibly common family name in Japan, which made a specific family hard to trace. Natsume even resorted to asking spirits. Some had hastened to produce results to please him, but those had lead nowhere.

The option of asking Natori was kept as a last resort. Although Natori knew about the Book of Friends now, Natsume tried to avoid involving him with things related to his grandmother unless absolutely necessary. Finally, after months of fruitless searching and much debating with Nyanko-sensei, he asked Natori for his help. After that, through Natori's massive exorcist network, it did not take long to find the Takamura family. He found that the Takamura family businesses had moved to Tokyo, where it was headed by Takamura Shunsuke. Natori did some digging about deaths in the family, and found that Takamura Shunsuke's older brother had died at a young age. Many old rumors circulated about his death. Some said he had been kidnapped and murdered by a jealous business rival. Some said he had drowned himself because of intense family pressure. Others said he had been murdered by his lover. All the rumors were equally disturbing but the one that came closest to the truth was the most outrageous one: that he was killed by a vengeful spirit.

While Natori found Takamura Shunsuke quickly, it took time to secure an appointment with him. As head of a successful enterprise, Takamura was busy and didn't give appointments easily. It finally required Natori to use his credentials as a renowned actor.

Natori picked a time when he was already scheduled to be in Tokyo so that he could accompany Natsume. He even paid for Natsume's train ticket to Tokyo. When Natsume tried to protest he had winked and said, "I'm using you for my own benefit too. While you'll be in Tokyo, I have a movie premiere. If I have a friend around, I'll be less accessible to pesky reporters." Then he had quietly added. "I have more money that I will ever need anyway, and no one to use it on. At least let me do something for you this once."

Natsume's heart had gone out to his older friend then. While Natori was surrounded by adoring fans all the time, how he behaved with them was merely a façade, and in reality, in some ways he was almost as devoid of human company as his grandmother. He had given up on relationships with regular people years ago. As for his family, although Natori was clan head, he avoided them as much as he could. He had told him about it once. Although Natori possessed strong spiritual powers, the gift had skipped over several generations in the rest of his family. Because of that, not only was there a lot of expectations heaped on him, he was an object of jealousy. He could only pretend to tolerate their behavior for so long before he got sick of it and left.

Natsume knew Nyanko-sensei considered Natori self-satisfying and pretentious, but Natsume could never agree with that. If Natsume didn't have the good fortune to meet certain people in his life, including Nyanko-sensei, the Fujiwaras, and Natori, perhaps he would have ended up as jaded and cynical as the older man. Natori knew that too. Which is why he had mentored and guided Natsume, and encouraged him. Natori had done a lot for him, and Natsume would always be grateful to him for it, and in turn support him in the same way.

When they finally went to meet Takamura at his office in Shinjuku, Natori warned him in advance, "You should hold back at first before telling him anything. I've worked with defunct exorcist clan members before. Because they have been plagued by spirits in the family history, they tend to deal with any hint of the supernatural with extreme suspicion. And we shouldn't forget that his older brother died horribly…"

Natori was right. When Takamura realized that they secured an appointment on a false pretense, he almost asked them to leave. But because of Natori's credentials, he at least decided to hear them out. Natsume didn't hesitate and told him everything, leaving out some of the non-essential details of Reiko's involvement. He didn't want Takamura to blame his grandmother for something that wasn't her fault. She had suffered enough, and no-one should bear her ill will in her death.

By the time Natsume finished his story, Takamura looked like he had aged ten years. "I want to say I don't believe you…" he said. "But you look like a lot like my brother when he was your age." He sighed deeply. "There is no doubt you are related."

Natsume bowed his head.

"I won't say I'm that surprised really. We suspected it was something to do with spirits, even though it didn't make sense because my brother had no powers." Takamura's face suddenly became angry, bitter. "I always knew that woman he followed around was bad news. My parents never liked her."

Natsume's fist clenched. "Reiko-san was not at fault." He said more calmly than he felt. He was tired of people always blaming his grandmother. "Even though she was with his child, she cut ties with him just because she wanted to keep him safe. What happened was beyond her control."

"Natsume-kun, I appreciate you coming here all the way to tell me your story. But I will have to ask you to leave now." His voice was cold. "I have had a trying day, and I am tired."

Natsume felt that Natori was about to protest on his behalf, but he stopped him. "It's okay, Natori-san. We should go."

How could Natori or he comprehend Takamura's grief? Takamura lost his brother as a teenager, and it must have taken him years to deal with it. Natsume had unnecessarily upset him by dragging up the past when he had no right to do so…

In the café now, Natori still looked furious. "What a selfish, inconsiderate man. You came all the way to Tokyo just to talk to him. No matter what he says, you are still his brother's grandchild and related to him by blood. How dare he not speak to you and find out about you? He could at least have been nicer to you. This is why businessmen are…"

Natori's indignation on his behalf made him feel a little better. "It's really okay, Natori-san." He smiled. "I've learned a long time ago that family isn't just about blood. It's about people who take the time to know you for who you are and care about you. And I've been so blessed in that regard." He felt tears sting his eyes. "I have you, the Fujiwaras, my friends, and so many people who care about me now."

Natori smiled back at him but an irate Nyanko-sensei threw a napkin at him. "Did you skip my name just now?! You ungrateful brat! After all I've done for you! Just wait, one of these days I'm going to make you into a delicious meal."

Natsume laughed through his tears. "Sensei, you're a given, do I even need to mention you?" He then turned and smiled at the other spirit standing stock still behind Natori. "And Hiiragi too."

"Natsume." Hiiragi started saying in her standard matter-of-fact tone, but there was a teasing note to it too. "You don't need to add me in there just to be nice."

"I'm not! You've taught me so many things and helped me out so many times." He could tell Hiiragi was both surprised and pleased.

Natori walked him to the train station. "You're going to visit the friend you mentioned but you'll come to my premiere later tonight, right? Your friend is welcome to come too." He fished a door key out of his pocket. "I'm going to have to fly to Kyushu tonight after the premiere because I have a shooting there tomorrow, but you're welcome to stay at my condo while you're in Tokyo. Just mail me the key afterward."

Natsume looked embarrassed. "Um, my friend said I could stay with her, so it's alright."

Natori's eyes seemed to light up with stars. Grasping his shoulders, he exclaimed, "You never told me your friend is a girl?!"

"Natsume has a girlfriend now?" Hiiragi's tone was amused. "Humans sure grow up fast."

"S-she's not my girlfriend," Natsume spluttered. _Far from it._

Natori was looking at him with a knowing smile that bothered him.

Nyanko-sensei jumped on Natori's shoulder. "You still owe me bucket loads full of sake from the last time we saved your sorry hide, Natori-brat."

A vein popped in Natori's forehead even though he kept up a pleasant smile, "What's that? My memory must be failing me even in my beautiful youth, because I seem to only recall Natsume helping me. I remember a certain lazy cat didn't lift a finger."

Ignoring Natori, Nyanko-sensei turned to Natsume, "I'll meet up with you later, Natsume, so you can conduct your pathetic human mating rituals in peace." Hiiragi started snickering.

He turned bright red, "Sensei!"

Natori was smirking. "Hoho, Natsume is that advanced, huh? Do tell me more and the sake shall be forthcoming."

Natsume covered his face with his hands. He thought he was going to die of embarrassment. "I swear Yuriko and I aren't dating…"

"Just friends with benefits then, Natsume? Didn't know you had it in you!"

Natsume wished the ground would swallow him up whole. It was with a great deal of relief that he finally entered the train when it arrived.

"You're too much fun to tease, Natsume," he heard more sniggering before the train door shut.

Natsume sighed as he stared out the train window. For all their teasing, he didn't know where he stood with Yuriko at all. It had been four, almost five months, since he had last seen her. They had barely kept up with each other in that time but he had thought of her every day. Despite all his nervousness and misgivings, the thought of seeing her again today filled him with joy.

When he had called her to let her know about his visit, she hadn't sounded _unhappy_ but she had been subdued. What if she didn't really want to see him and was just being polite when she said he could stay at her place?

If she didn't want to see him, he wouldn't be surprised. It would be all his fault. After all this time, he _still _hadn't given her a proper response. He wouldn't be shocked if she despised him for it.

He held his head in his hands. There was no point overthinking it. After all that was said and done, she was still his friend right? What sort of friend would he be if he didn't visit her when he was in town?

Secretly, Natsume pretended he wasn't lying to himself.

* * *

When Yuriko opened the door, he saw her hesitate for a few seconds before pulling him into a hug. "It's great to see you, Takashi-kun."

She had a neutral expression once she took a good look at him, but by the time she shut the door behind him, she was giggling. He immediately knew why. It made him smile. It made him hopeful that things were okay between them.

"Image change, Takashi-kun?" Yuriko asked, smiling.

He touched his hair sheepishly. It had grown out quite a bit. If he let it grow another month or two he'd probably be able to tie it back. "It's that bad, huh?"

"Umm… it's not _bad_. It's just in that awkward transitional stage between short and long hair, you know?" she said diplomatically.

"Haha, you can be honest with me. Long hair doesn't suit me, right? Well, it'll be back to normal soon."

"So you're not actually growing your hair out." Realization seemed to dawn on Yuriko. "Have you not cut your hair since I last saw you? But it's been almost five months!"

Natsume smiled at her. "I wanted to wait for my hairdresser. She's the only one I trust with my hair these days."

Yuriko blushed and momentarily looked stunned. "Y-your haircut is our first order of business." She stammered. Then, stepping back, she gestured around her apartment. "My place is really small, but make yourself at home."

She wasn't being modest when she said it was small – her apartment was possibly even smaller than her dorm room at school. It was a one-room apartment with a tiny kitchenette and an attached bathroom. The only other amenities were a futon in the corner, and a small low table which seemed to double as Yuriko's dining and study table. Since there wasn't much storage space, stacks of Yuriko's artwork and books covered the floor.

"Rent in Tokyo is ridiculously expensive," Yuriko explained as she gathered her haircutting tools. "Well, it's not just rent. Everything costs a fortune. My assistant pay isn't bad at all, but I've still had to take some haircutting jobs on the side. It's all good though! I've gotten so much better at cutting hair that I don't think I even need to use you as a guinea pig anymore."

"So, that's why you gave me all those haircuts for free. And here I was feeling guilty about getting the better end of the deal." Natsume joked.

"You finally figured it out!" Yuriko twirled her scissors around in her fingers and surveyed her surroundings. "Hmm, this might be a bit awkward because I don't have a chair, but we'll make it work."

They caught up with each other's lives while Yuriko cut his hair. They had exchanged some messages over the course of the last few months, but those had been few and far between because Natsume was terrible at wireless communication and Yuriko had likely given up hope.

Natsume gave her updates on all their friends, and Yuriko told him about life in Tokyo. Unsurprisingly, she really loved her job here and was learning a lot from Kirigaya Yuki, her employer, as well as from the other assistants. Natsume briefly explained the reason for his visit to Tokyo without going into too much detail. He wasn't really ready to talk about that yet. He would need to process it on his own first before he could talk about it with anyone.

Although cheerful and talkative in the beginning, Yuriko seemed to lose energy as the conversation went on. At first, he thought he was imagining it, but then, she nearly tripped over the table when she finished with his hair. After he steadied her, she continued to talk as if nothing had happened. She spoke to him about potential sightseeing places to take him to during his visit, but he could tell that her mind was somewhere else. Her voice was robotic and lacking her usual verve. Then, equally randomly, she locked herself up in her bathroom and didn't come out for a while.

Natsume felt anxious. He didn't think he had done or said something to offend her today. But it's not like he would ever hurt her _intentionally_… No, that was a lie. He had knowingly hurt her in the past. Ran away from her love and cut ties, then tried to mend their relationship without giving her a proper response like she deserved. He'd secretly agreed with Nyanko-sensei when he called Reiko a coward once but wasn't he the same? The apple didn't fall far from the tree it seemed. He was pathetic.

When she finally came out, she avoided his eyes, but he could plainly see that she had been crying.

He took her hand and asked gently. "Yuriko? What's wrong? Did I do something to offend you?"

She shook her head but couldn't speak. Fresh tears streamed down her cheeks. Natsume felt his heart being ripped apart. What had he done? Surely, she was crying because of him? There was no other explanation.

He didn't have a handkerchief but he wiped her tears with his sleeve. "Please don't cry because of me. I… I am not worthy of your tears." This only made her cry harder.

Desperate to make her stop crying, but feeling helpless, Natsume let himself act on instinct. He pulled her into his arms and stroked her hair.

"When I came to Tokyo, I decided I would give up on you." She said eventually. "Work kept me occupied, and I didn't think about you as much. I was happy, and truly thought I was on the road to getting over you. When you told me you were coming to Tokyo, at first I had mixed feelings. But then I found myself counting the days, deciding what to wear each day of your visit, figuring out what places to take you to… And today, when I finally saw you and talked to you… I was so happy…" She pulled away from him and covered her face with her hands. "It turns out I haven't stopped loving you at all. I-It's not fair!" She was sobbing again. "I-I'm s-sorry…"

She was unbelievable. She was apologizing to _him_? Even though he was the one at fault? "You have nothing to apologize for. I'm the one who should be sorry. Everything is my fault. It's because I was being selfish. It's my fault you can't give up on me. I never gave you a proper response. I just kept stringing you along…"

The words that he could never say for so long, that wouldn't form in his lips, were suddenly gushing forth on their own. Was it because he was finally letting her go today, or because he _couldn't _let her go, and was desperately trying to win her back? He had been lying to himself for so long, he didn't know what was real anymore. If he had truly resolved to give up on her, why had he bothered to visit her? He could have left the city after meeting Takamura and she would have never been the wiser.

"Why didn't you give me a response?" she asked quietly.

Did she really not understand? "Don't you know how important you are to me?" Natsume sighed. "No, it's my fault you don't know. I never told you… I always tell myself I'm bad with words, but I'm just making excuses. Letting you go would have been the right thing to do, but the thought of cutting you away from my life was unbearable, so I ran away." He wiped the last of her tears. He didn't know what he was doing… His body and mouth were moving of their own accord, but they were doing the opposite of what he thought he should be doing.

"Why is letting me go the right thing to do?" Yuriko questioned.

He looked at her in disbelief. She knew the answer to that already didn't she? Why was she making him say it?

"Because you will only get hurt if you're with me."

No, no, no, she had started crying again. _Please, Yuriko, don't do this to me. You're making this so much harder…_

"But you decided that by yourself!" she shouted. "Why do you always try to shoulder everything on your own? Being with you might possess its own unique set of dangers, but don't you understand, if you're gone from my life… it would hurt even more..."

Natsume didn't have the strength to argue with her any longer. He bowed his head and let his pent up tears trickle into his lap. "Please don't cry anymore… I can't bear it."

Yuriko lifted his face and made him look at her. "If you really wanted to remove me from your life, why did you come here today? Instead of cutting your hair, why did you wait for me to do it? Your words don't match your actions, Takashi-kun." That was because he was a hypocrite.

After a pause she said, "Why can't you let me love you?"

Because every time she said she loved him, he remembered Kiyoshi and wondered if he could ever escape the ghosts of his grandmother, wondered if Yuriko would one day meet a terrible fate.

But Yuriko's stubbornness rivalled his grandmother. So when she pressed her lips to his, he let her.

She had won.

* * *

They barely managed to catch the last train that would get them to the movie premiere location on time. They were both emotionally drained and neither of them talked much on their journey, but Yuriko held his hand the entire time. Part of that was necessity as they navigated around the huge crowds at the train station (Natsume didn't think he had ever seen so many people), but the rest of the time she drew patterns with her finger on his hand. It tickled and the sensation was a little odd, but he couldn't say he minded.

They were understandably a little awkward around each other (or maybe it was just him). After all that happened today, they would need to define a new equilibrium in their relationship. Natsume found the fact that she truly wanted to be with him a little unbelievable. He had no doubt that she loved him but what did she see in him anyway? Would Yuriko really be alright with someone like him? Was she making a mistake?

Yuriko was pulling him along the huge crowd lining up outside the theatre, completely oblivious to his inner turmoil, and just trying to get them both to the show on time. Natsume shouldn't have underestimated Natori's popularity. He would have much preferred to have arrived early; big crowds made him anxious.

"Takashi-kun, you feel like a human ball of lead," Yuriko said teasingly. "I know we have a priority pass and all that but if we don't hurry, we won't be able to get seats at all."

Natsume sat down at a nearby bench and motioned her to do the same. "Can we sit down here for five minutes, please?" he asked her almost pleadingly.

He could sense her impatience to get to the show but she conceded. "What's wrong?"

He said, a little awkwardly. "This… is a date, right?"

Yuriko looked amused. "Sure. If you want it to be."

He didn't beat the bush about what was plaguing him. It all came out in a rush. "Are you sure you want to be seen with me in public? More importantly, are you absolutely sure you want to be with me? I'm terrible at this and I have _zero _dating experience. What am I supposed to do in a date anyway?"

Yuriko laughed in his face, and he felt insulted. He was actually being _serious_. "Sometimes I wonder if you've been living under a rock." She told him. "I guess you don't watch much TV, so it makes sense. First off, I would _love_ to be seen with you in public, because you're prettier than me."

"Hey!" Natsume protested indignantly. He knew she was just trying to lighten the mood but he really disliked it when people teased him about being feminine.

Yuriko squeezed his hand. "I'm joking, but it _is _true that you're better looking than me." Natsume disagreed but he let her continue. "Secondly, a date isn't a marriage meeting. There are no formal rules. Think of it as an excuse to spend time with the person you like." Okay, he could do that. "And finally, it's not like I have much dating experience either."

The way she phrased that attracted his attention. "But you do have some dating experience?"

She looked embarrassed. "I had a boyfriend in high school for a little while."

"What happened?" he asked curiously. "Um. If you don't mind me asking."

Yuriko shrugged. "It didn't work out." She grinned suddenly. "Why the sudden interest, Takashi-kun? Are you jealous?"

He smiled at her. "Not at all. I was just curious." There was no way Yuriko loved her ex-boyfriend as much as she did him, so what did it matter?

Yuriko pouted. "You could at least pretend to be a little jealous to make me happy."

"I don't want to lie to you," he said seriously.

She looked taken aback. Then sighing mock-exasperatedly, she pulled him to his feet. "Well, if you're done with the dramatic questions, let's go grab our seats. You promised me a movie premiere, and you're not going to make me miss it."

She turned back abruptly and faced him. "It's _you_ who I love. You may have your flaws, and you may be an idiot when it comes to thinking about yourself, but you're amazing too. You're the kindest and the most loving and caring person I know. When you tell yourself you're worthless I want you to remember that."

He had started crying, but she was hugging him now. "I think you and I have both cried enough for one day, wouldn't you agree?" she told him. He nodded against her shoulder but didn't let her go.

He loved her. He didn't know why it took him so long to realize it and admit it to himself, but he truly loved her. The girl who had noticed him and talked to him when no one else did. The girl who never gave up on him no matter how much he tried to push her away. Now that he had finally allowed her to have her way, he didn't think he could ever let her go again.

* * *

**End Notes:**

Natsume's line "You have nothing to apologize for. I'm the one who should be sorry" was inspired by a scene between Twelve and Lisa from _Zankyou no Terror_. I also derived some inspiration from the relationship between Junichi and Yurika from _Sakamichi no Apollon_ (Yurika, who coincidentally has a similar name, reminds me of Yuriko a lot. If you aren't familiar with the series, Yurika is extremely persistent with her love interest – she never gives up.)_. _

One more chapter to go! Mostly an epilogue-y chapter that will tie things up, especially the loose ends with Reiko and the Book of Friends. And whew, this chapter was originally planned to be much different than how it actually turned out (originally there wasn't such a dramatic confrontation between Natsume and Yuriko). These things sometimes write themselves. In any case, I tied a lot more loose ends in this chapter than I originally planned, so the epilogue will be much less meatier.

Please, please let me know your thoughts. Do you think I was able to do Natsume justice? As I've mentioned before, Natsume + romance is a difficult combination, and I just hope I was able to keep him in character in his journey to accept himself (when you first get into the Natsume series, you think that it's journey for other people to accept him, but then you find that it's as much about Natsume learning to accept himself. I was really trying to capture that).

Looking back on this story, I can't believe how far it's come! What originally started as a one-shot because I thought Yuriko was too unique of a side character to not be part of the main cast, turned into _this. _In the process, not only was I able to appreciate the Natsume universe for all its little details, but I was also able to discover myself as a writer. I know technically this isn't the last chapter, but somehow it really does feel like it is! And I am really glad I came back to this fic despite by mini-plot block on this fic.

A big thanks to all my readers and reviewers again. You guys really rock, and all your comments always make me smile.


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